Static Interloper

I lied

2008-06-15T02:32:00.001-07:00

(Don McClean--Castles in the Air)
I havent gone to bed. Ive reached that marvelous plateau when sleep seems pointless and the second wind of insomnia takes wing. Besides, Ill just apnea myself through 9 hours of nonrestful snoozing anyway. So, another post of bunk....and throughout this post, I'll be inserting songs Im currently listening to.

Lubbock has a strange obsession with Buddy Holly. I understand that he came from here and that he pretty much inspired the proginators (I KNOW thats spelled wrong) of rock and roll, but Lubbock has alot more going for it than just being the Home of Buddy Holly. Several schools, including Texas Tech and my new digs Lubbock Christian, the vast, blue West Texas sky, lots of snotty young spoiled girls who give you funny looks...well, okay, not that one. Just figured Id through that one in for balance.
(Ministry--Just One Fix)

I really suck at saving money. Even when I dont have any money at all, I manage to spend some. Truly amazing. Of course, this is an offshoot of other self control issues I have, but I need to get my keister to an accounting class or something similar. Or marry a girl that has financial skills. Opposites attract and all that.

(IRON MAIDEN--Quest for Fire)
Speaking of Maiden, my dad, mom, brother, myself, and some other folks drove to Albuquerque the weekend I moved all my crap to Lubbock (long story--I was still in my apartment in Dallas for another week, but all my stuff was in my apartment in Lubbock. Serious hassle, but a necessary hurdle). Let me just say that Iron Maiden put on the best show in the history of mankind. They even put on a better show than Rush did last August, which is saying alot because Rush blew my socks off. The concert was totally worth the 8 hour round trip and week of crushing fatigue. Maiden doesnt come around every week, ya know.

(Kansas--Black Fathom 4)
My sister is 8 months pregnant and I cant wait to be an uncle. The kid is going to be completely spoiled (being the first grandchild on both sides of the family) but thats all good. Ive already laid claim to the Crazy Uncle title. They can come visit me in my concrete bunker in the depths of the Texas wilderness. Buwhwhahaha....

(Dream Theater--Raise the Knife)
and for the record, It hasnt taken me forever to write this. I just skip tracks alot--much to the chagrin of anyone that rides in my truck.

Observing the Ebb and Flow of Mankind

2008-06-15T02:02:00.000-07:00

...because there is nothing else to do right now. Im waiting on my job at Brinks to finish my background check, and in the meantime, Ive been working on my motorcycle, exercising, not exercising, sitting on my butt, watching lame shows on TV, sitting on my butt some more....I dub myself Lethargy.

On the other hand, after 2 strenuous years of internal strife and upset at the morbid hands of corporate America, its nice to do nothing. I actually dont want to work (surprise, I know thats unique) but the majority of my thinking mind is losing it doing nothing.

The worst part of doing nothing all day is the creeping sensation of mental decrepancy. I cant even conjure any good thoughts up. Idle mind is the Devil's playground--definitely a true and pertinent statement.

I guess I'll go to bed now...its 4 in the morning. Harumph. Nothing else to do....as a side note, Im quite used to the second shift lifestyle--get up at noon, stay up till everyone else is useless getting up then crash. I rather like it--in Dallas I could avoid most people and the complications (or benefits, depending on your outlook) but here in Lubbock that really doesnt fly. My new job starts at 5 in the morning, so Im sure for a couple of months Ill look like Bela Lugosi after a few Ed Wood movies. Burn, Ed Wood! Too bad you're already dead!

Farewell, sweet Enfield.

2008-06-11T00:35:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I traded my Albion-manufactured Enfield No. 2 Mk 1** at the last gun show I went to in Dallas. My motivation was purely logistical (sp?)--I had just bought 2500 rounds of 7.62 Tokarev pistol ammo and no pistol to accompany it (it was a good deal, so sue me). I found a pleasant fellow gun nut who gave me what I paid for the Enfield so I could go and purchase an original CZ-52, the roller lock beauty made by the Czechs circa 1952. I regret trading it; it was a collectors piece, and I loved the break open action, and I intended to keep it (I had even put it away in storage) BUT finances being tight, I had to shirk a loved gun to replace it with another.

So farewell, sweet Albion, I hope your new owner appreciates your rugged historical quality as much as I did. Im sure he will, he was my kind of guy.

Honda modification, part I

2008-06-11T00:13:00.000-07:00

Since Ive bought my Honda Shadow, its undergone some, uh, changes. All positive, mind you. To start from the beginning:

I bought the bike from craigslist in August of 2007. It seemed like a good deal; about a thousand bucks under blue book because the druggie Oakie I bought it from had to pay rent. It seemed okay, but he had lost the key, plus the key to the gas tank, and chopped the frame (I didnt know this at the time). I load her up in my truck, get it home, and over the course of time, I find out all its wonderful problems--gummed up carbs, disconnected vaccuum hoses, and most importantly, the rear of the fender cleft in twain. Notice in the last picture the plastic fenders and side covers which I no longer use, the cut down exhaust pipes missing mufflers (which caused another set of issues) and what you cant see is the bobbed fender, which Ive included in another picture on here. SO, over the period of several months I rebuilt the carburetor (a first), learned so much about engines and motorcycles it astounds me, ditched the plastic rear fender because it broke in half (cheap plastic #%#%) and started working on other areas of the bike that need attention.

Today, since I have my shiny new (new 30 years ago, anyway, but new to me) townhouse with attached garage (YES! A GARAGE!) I started getting down and dirty with the bike since I now have a secure location to work on it without the fear of the weather, or jerks living in my apartment complex trying to steal it every night (not joking here, thank God for fork locks). I completely gutted the electric components from underneath where the seat usually goes and pulled out the battery box, a platic contraption that takes up way too much space and needlessly consumes most of the area near the chain and swingarm. Since Im kinda winging it here, my plans are as such:

Drill out exhaust baffles, because its too quiet (I replaced the cut off pipes with a set of stock 2007 pipes that still fit...the old pipes were rusted over and provided no back pressure whatsoever). Down the road Im going to wrap the pipes in heat wrap and cut off the mufflers and add exhaust tips for aesthetics.

Rig up an aluminum or steel plate between the frame rails to mount the battery on and mount the rectifier above the battery on spacers. I saw this on another guys site, so I wont take creative credit for it (VLXS.com, sweet bike).

Figure out somewhere else to store the rest of the electrical junk, like the fuse box, in line relays, igntion coil, blinker relays, etc. Its going to be fun! I get to exercise my creative side! I cant tell you how starved Ive been with no creative outlet.

Replace the rear monoshock, or at least lower it a few inches so the swingarm and the rear of the frame line up to make it look smoother.

Ive still got a long way to go, including new tires, rebuilding the front forks, cleaning some minor rust off, reconfiguring the air intake (its a dual carb setup, but the air inlets are facing at opposed 45 degree angles UPWARD toward the tank...itll be tricky, but Ive got a plan! No one else has done this I know of, which makes it even better!), and recovering the newly resurfaced seat. Woo! Im stoked! I just need to learn to weld....that comes next.

Pics at the top: First pic is a cardboard box top I used from my moving boxes to catalog where all the wires run. It'll work, I s'pose.

Second pic you can see the chopped frame, and the sloppy edges that he never did ANYTHING with. At least seal the frame tubes off, for crying out loud! You can also see the gap between the frame and the swingarm where the battery was, and where I will be reconfiguring the wiring harness.

Last pic is the bike before I did anything to it, pretty much right after I bought it. Notice the rear plastic fender and side covers, which wont be seeing any ussage.

Been a long time

2008-06-03T22:59:00.000-07:00

Ill admit Ive been shirking my blogging duty. My excuse is that Ive been fired from my job, moved to Lubbock to start at LCU this fall, and have had all the complications usually associated with said duties. I like my new digs here in Lubbock--1200 square feet, only myself, and plenty of stuff to keep myself busy--trying to find a job, fixing my motorcycle, getting back into bike riding (Im only three blocks from school, so time to get back in the riding mood). Oh yes, folks, the future is bright.

Now where did I leave my shades?

Any day at the range...

2008-02-22T17:28:00.000-08:00

Brando and I spent a relaxing Sunday afternoon at our local gun range this past weekend. Few things in life are more soothing than a little target shooting. Both of us were having accuracy problems--quite frustrating when you're expecting close groups (or at least semi-close groups...) but it was fun nonetheless.

We were packing up to leave and the gentleman in the next booth was shooting an old Remington ball and cap revolver. We asked, and he gave us a few shooting tips as well as letting Brando try out some of his nicer pieces. Its great meeting another person as enthused about something as you are.

All in all, a smashing success. Wish I could do it more often!

the Main Monkey Business*

2008-02-06T12:24:00.000-08:00

Random thoughts.

Socialism doesnt work. Mental masturbation doesnt change that fact.
San Francisco could detach from the US and float away and no one would know the difference.
UPS should pay me more. You know, quality assurance and all that.
Im moving to Lubbock soon, and I hope its better than Dallas. My unfortunate cynical nature tells me to expect otherwise, but I say my cynicism can take off. I wish it would, anyhow.
Garth Marenghi's Darkplace is a really funny show. Its a spoof of Stephen King and all the other 80s horror shows, and it is an instant classic. Look it up!
Ethanol is a joke and will be remembered as such.
Global warming is a joke and will be remembered as such. I could go on with this, but its not convincing anyone of anything so whatever.
Milkbones taste better than anything on the menu at Boston's "Gourmet Pizza".
Alice in Chains was a much better band than Nirvana. Its true, folks, its true.

Political Woes

2008-02-06T12:19:00.000-08:00

Since everyone now is a pundit, politics are a sore subject. Between the flurry of self-delusion (Obama will reform, Clinton will reform, McCain will limp around and....reform) and the ad hominem chest beating, Im pretty sick of all of it. If McCain gets the nomination (he will, thinks to morons in the Republican party) then there will be a 4% voting difference between the two parties. No joke--McCains voting record is only 4% more conservative than Clintons. Awesome, right? In the spirit of the American political circus, I dedicate this song:

Let's get out and vote!
Let's make our voices heard.
We've been given the right to choose,
between a douche and a turd.
It’s democracy in action!
Put your freedom to the test.
A big fat turd or a stupid douche,
which do you like best?

Its sad when South Park makes sense.

Excellent Metaphor, I say

2007-12-19T22:45:00.000-08:00

Disposable Heroes--Metallica

Bodies fill the fields I see, hungry heroes end
No one to play soldier now, no one to pretend
Running blind through killing fields, bred to kill them all
Victim of what said should be
A servant `til I fall

[Chorus:]
Soldier boy, made of clay
Now an empty shell
Twenty one, only son
but he served us well
Bred to kill, not to care
Do just as we say
Finished here, Greeting Death
He's yours to take away

Back to the front
You will do what I say, when I say
Back to the front
You will die when I say, you must die
Back to the front
You coward
You servant
You blindman
[End Chorus]

Barking of machinegun fire, does nothing to me now
Sounding of the clock that ticks, get used to it somehow
More a man, more stripes you wear, glory seeker trends
Bodies fill the fields I see
The slaughter never ends

[Chorus]

{Why, Am I dying?
Kill, having no fear
Lie, live off lying
Hell, Hell is here!

I was born for dying

Life planned out before my birth, nothing could I say
had no chance to see myself, molded day by day
Looking back I realize, nothing have I done
left to die with only friend
Alone I clench my gun

[Chorus]

{Back to the front}x5.

Thats the way that Lady Luck dances*

2007-12-19T22:39:00.000-08:00

I apologize for the last post. Im not going to delete it; that would be...childish, I guess. Its been a long semester, with mundane work I really cant stand and school that makes no sense, in substance or format. I had grand plans for a Cisco Networking degree, but I find that I dont have the "understanding" (meaning the stubbornness to wade through a thick and nonsensical curriculum, working with teachers and peers that have never communicated with the opposite sex in a relaxed setting--NOT JOKING HERE) the work. Ive decided that Im just going to roll the bones and take a jack of all trades approach and take a bunch of classes that sound interesting.

Anyhoo, the last post was inspired by the old rock station here in Dallas, the infamous Eagle 97.1, as it is back up in operation. They used to be a great station, now they just play the same stuff as the other two corporate rock stations here. The question that is giving me an ulcer is:
If you have two stations playing the same thing, WHY MAKE A THIRD?!

Oy.

*Roll the Bones, by Rush.

2007-12-18T17:10:00.000-08:00

Most of our pocket wisdom is conceived for the use of mediocre people, to discourage them from ambitious attempts, and generally console them in their mediocrity. --Robert Louis Stevenson

Im writing this post from work, where Im sitting...doing nothing...as is SOP. I cant stand my job. Ive been wrestling constantly with what I want to do with my life, but nothing appeals. I dont want a good paying job, I dont want a manual labor job, I dont want to be someone's lackey till I rot in the grave. I think Im a closet self-deprecating perfectionist who has never acknowledged that I am such (to myself). That being said, I want to announce to the world what I should be "when I grow up":

I should be in charge. Not in charge of a grocery store, or some company peddling useless wares to bored people with no aspirations. I want to be in charge of something significant.

Big talk, right? Im not done soapboxing yet.

My generation--Im generalize and consider "my generation" anyone from the ages of 0-25, has no motivation. In short, we are a generation of vegetables. If history is a good indicator (which it always is) my generation will run this country into the ground. There is too much to be said about the complete and utter lack of skill or competence, so Ill sum it all up in one sentence: If tomorrow, the world awoke and every American from 0-25 was gone, no one would notice a damn difference. Sure, MTV would go under and that Girls Gone Wild jackoff would have to go sell baubles to gypsies, but there would be no long term impact.

Me for President in 2008.

Im still around..

2007-12-17T14:41:00.000-08:00

I havent posted in a while, so a quick update:

Ive been too busy with school (or rather, failing school) and the sudden bum-rush at work to do anything but cram, work, and sleep. So now that school is over and Im back to square one in the "what to do in life" department, I have no clue what to do. C'est la vie.

My bike still isnt running. It ran for a while, but the fuel/air mixture is still off, and the plugs were fouled, and the new plugs I got dont fit my socket (which was impossible to find in the first place), etc. etc. Why cant anything ever be SIMPLE?

For Thanksgiving, my sister, brother and law and myself stopped quickly by my great grandmother's house before humping back to New Mexico for a delightful week snowed in. We were trying to work on the house, but the elements prevented us from getting much done. Hey, theres always New Years for labor!

We're still 300 something days from the election, and Im already sick of the pandering. None of you people need to be president. Go fight it out in the Cage o' Pain and the winner can be the new boss.

Thats all for now...

Good news!

2007-12-15T11:16:00.000-08:00

Im going to be an uncle! Cigars all around!!

A photographic testament

2007-11-17T00:24:00.000-08:00

...and here is my 93 Honda Shadow VLX. The previous owner, an Okie deluxe, decided he would trash it up and make a track bike out of it. Note the rear of the frame has been bobbed in the first picture--also note how he left it open to rust and did not mention this when he sold it to me. Good job, Okie. Now all it needs is a carb rejet, the idle screws adjusted, a little fab work on the rear fender/clean up the bob, new headlight bulb, new seat cover....

Im up to it. Just a little...dismayed at my progress. I did actually ride it the other night, and I must say its freaking exhilirating. Unfortunately the carbs are running lean, so either I have a pinhole in the carb diaphragm or a air, exhaust or vaccuum leak, or...

Irony strikes again!

2007-11-10T16:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a momentous day--I got my motorcycle out of the shop! After a month of pained waiting! Im housesitting my sister's dogs while her and her husband are in Vegas for a wedding (.....). I dash home from work, take the dogs out for a quick walk before firing the bike up for her maiden voyage, and BAM!

Charlie, the biggest dog on the planet, decides to take off at a demon pace while Im standing on a steep grade, in crappy shoes with no ankle support. Im sure the informed reader can see where this is going...

Fast forward three seconds, to me a the bottom of the hill with a sprained ankle. Not a little sprain, mind you, a "tore all the ligaments in your ankle" sprain that will take a month to fully heal. To make matters worse, its on my left foot, vis a vis my SHIFTING FOOT! O, fortune!

Sigh...on a lighter note, I might find a woman who developes a terrible case of Stockholm's Syndrome with me. Huzzah! I'll post a picture of the bike to satiate my need for cruising.

A new disease plagues the people...

2007-10-30T16:05:00.000-07:00

His name: Michael Bay. Not that he's new; he's given us "classic" movies like Armageddon and Bad Boys I and II. I recently watched Transformers (against my will and better judgment) and seriously, folks, Bay should not be allowed to direct anymore. Why, you ask? His special effects are stupendous, with moving, epic battles, throbbing soundscapes, etc. etc. Here's what I want all my readers (all 3 of you) to do:

Rent/watch Armageddon
PAY ATTENTION TO DIALOGUE, MUSIC, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
try to have a cognitive thought during a slow scene, i.e. the epic cookie sex scene

Its not possible. Why? Because Bay, that ham-handed, moronic, lousy excuse for a director, insists on having every single moment of his movies jam packed with noise, or movement, or a shiny veneer (spelling, probably) that makes your head throb. Its senseless, and has no point, and is sheer tripe. Besides all that, Bay's last great movie, the Island, has been sued for flat-out plaigarism. The original story that was lambasted by Mystery Science Theater 3000 was called Parts: the Clonus Horror, and if you watch it you can tell that the Island is a newly refurbished carbon copy of Parts. so, in conclusion:

Michael Bay is a talentless joe who steals ideas, repeats the same wornout idiotic formula, panders to corporations for extra income (watch Transformers and count the sponsorships; I counted 21 and didnt include all the GM bits--by the end, I felt like Id watched a 2 hour Chevy commercial) and generally brings me closer to aneurism every time he makes another movie.

Thats all.

Dove Hunting

2007-10-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

...is for the birds. My hunting buddy decided I wasnt quite Texan if I didnt go bird hunting (which he still calls me New Mexican to get my blood boiling). We headed out as early as possible for a perpetual drinker and night owl--8 AM--and he walked me through the sanctimonious process of shooting dove. Quick pointers from him, minus all the cussing:

Doves fly erratically
Lead slightly, but not too low
Doves are visual animals, so some stalking is required
shoot the suckers when they are sitting still, if possible

I came up with the last one. After 5o rounds from me, I managed to bag one. It was fun anyway. I have decided, however, that I dont like bird hunting. I love shooting shotguns, but wringing birds and cleaning them rubs me the wrong way. I'll stick with big game. Not saying I wouldnt go again, but next time I'll bring the KABAR for the dirty work.

2007-10-24T20:02:00.000-07:00

Everyone should attend a gun show at least once. Not simply because I think an understanding of our Second Amendment rights is vital to understanding the rest of the Bill of Rights, but because the people that attend them have gobs of character. This past Sunday, Brando and I took Ram and Mark to one just for kicks. They've been looking into getting concealed carry permits, so it was partly to test the waters of current pistols.

Its really sad that I had to stop and explain to my sister why there was a seller with Nazi flags up on the wall. We went to an irregular show Ive never gone to before, but there are always "historic collectors" hawking wares that are borderline fascist--dont get me wrong, I appreciate the old Luger P08 more than the average joe, but seriously, when you start putting on "periodic uniforms" and running around like a Nazi, youre just being a fruitcake.

That aside, it was a nice show. A few rare and random collectables, and I think Mark and my sister have a better grasp on the current arms market. Good stuff, I tell ye.

A promise is a promise

2007-10-18T21:34:00.000-07:00

I know I said I would be posting again, but the last two weeks have completely fragged my brain. Brandon and I have been cramming for our Cisco Networking final, and now that the day has approached, Im just ready to get it over with. SO, Saturday or Sunday, I'll unload some posts.

Also, Rambouillet is posting again! HOORAY! Welcome back, Ram!

Jiffy Perfection

2007-10-03T23:41:00.001-07:00

I was always amazed as a kid by the glossy perfection of a new can of peanut butter. Wonderful, isnt it? Its a shame I had to mar the top just for my sandwich. Oh well...

New toy

2007-10-03T23:37:00.001-07:00

Or at least new to my readership. A beautiful Taurus Tracker in .357 mag--truly, a delight to shoot. I took to the range a week after I got it and put 100 rounds of .357 and 50 rounds of .38 Special through it and I am extremely satisfied with its performance. For those who say that the .357 kicks too much, I saw pshaw. This thing is a breeze! My only complaint is the sights are a tad off and I wasnt really concentrating on accuracy the first time out. Next time, though, Ill float the sights and things will be peachy.

Take THAT, Diane Feinstein!

2007-09-27T01:02:00.000-07:00

Because Calico Light Weapon Systems is back in business. After they collapsed under the 1994 Clinton "assault weapons" ban, I thought they were dead for sure. Im not sure who bought them out, or who's in the charge of production now ( the lead designer died in the late 90s, cant remember when), but NO MATTER! The public can now revel in ludicrously large helical-feeding magazines for cheaper prices. Check out their site here--http://www.calicolightweaponsystems.com/

Im extremely curious what they have in store next, if anything. Now I just have to BUY one...

2007-09-27T00:44:00.000-07:00

I have a weird connection with busted stuff. Ive now purchased my second motorcycle after I stripped the other one down, learned a bunch and still couldnt get it running (life lessons flying all around here) and this one doesnt run either. Of course, its alot better off, and all it needs is a seat, fender, blinkers attached, ignition rewired...

oy vey. But boy howdy, that chrome is shiny :)
Pictures later, if I can bear the everlasting shame.

Two very good quotes

2007-09-25T19:19:00.000-07:00

"Personal weapons are what raised mankind out of the mud, and the rifle is the queen of personal weapons. The possession of a good rifle, as well as the skill to use it well, truly makes a man the monarch of all he surveys." -Jeff Cooper-

"The right of citizens to bear arms is just one more guarantee against arbitrary government, and one more safeguard against a tyranny which now appears remote in America, but which historically has proved to be always possible." -Hubert Humphrey-

So good, in fact, General MacArthur is being replaced on my header. Sorry, Dougie.

Man vs. Wild, Weenie vs. My Patience

2007-09-23T19:52:00.000-07:00

I dont know if youve seen it, but Discovery had a show running called "Man vs. Wild", wherein an utterly insane former Special Air Service (I think) member goes to remote locations and shows the viewer how to survive with the shirt on his back. They put the show on hiatus because of allegations he wasnt really doing any of it; instead, they replaced his show with a whiny guy with no special talent who "survives" for a week in "dangerous" locations, like Wal-Mart, or your neighbor's backyard. Its pathetic. The new show is called Survivorman, and I swear on all my roommate's earthly posessions, the guy is a total weenier.

It makes me sad. If you ever get the chance, you should watch Man vs. Wild--he goes around eating live frogs and similar oddities to survive. You know what you call that? Great television.

Im a huge liar...

2007-09-13T20:05:00.000-07:00

Because I never deleted the blog. Now, I feel the need to forcibly convey myself upon the internet once again.

You...

poor...

suckers!

2007-04-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

Regrettably, I have decided to delete my blog (again). At least Im giving fair warning this time, right? I feel that my blog has declined to the point that I can no longer post random thoughts or encouraging sentiments and I only have the clout to post depressing little tidbits no one really wants to read. Maybe some day Ill feel like blogging again ( or have ample reason to); until that time Ill just continue to lurk on the same old blogs--you know who you are--and keep my thoughts in head, unless otherwise prompted. Or not prompted. Whatever.

(insert corny bunk here)

Adios. Ill leave the site up for another week or so then delete it.

Kick in the teeth

2007-04-09T21:35:00.000-07:00

Funny how life works, eh?

My mom informed me last week that a friend of mine from high school had come forward asking for prayer at church because of alcohol abuse. No suprise to me; I knew he was a guy who was very, very prone to drink; he entered into rehab and gave me a call this last Thursday. Turns out that its not just alcohol that he has trouble with, but shooting cocaine. For four years. Since I first met him. needless to say, I was a little disturbed by this. My mom also pointed out that at this point (or ever, as his dad put it) that Im his only friend on the planet.

I dont really have any comment on this one.

An Irish Airman Forsees his Death

2007-02-25T20:32:00.000-08:00

I know that I shall meet my fate
Somewhere among the clouds above:
Those that I fight I do not hate,
Those that I guard I do not love:
My country is Kiltartan Cross,
My countrymen Kiltartan's poor,
No likely end could bring them loss
Or leave them happier than before.
Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,
Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,
A lonely impulse of delight
Drove to this tumult in the clouds;
I balanced all, brought all to mind,
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind
In balance with this life, this death.

As Promised

2007-02-25T20:21:00.000-08:00

A post to satiate Writer, who might be my only reader at this point. Rock on!

I bought a motorcycle. I decided on my 21st birthday to go buy a nice new Taurus 1911 (they're sweet, Mark, you should check 'em out) and while I was chewing the fat with the salesman I was informed they were sold out--so I found a good deal on a Kawasaki KZ650 and bought it instead. Its a 1978 with a 1980 750 motor and all the problems I could ever hope for. I need a good project anyhoo.
I realized back in December that I am a supremely unhappy person. Its me, its you, its the planet, its politics, gun control, my spirituality--I cant get un-sad, see? I think I might be manic depressive. I decided a long time ago I can either be doped up to the eyeballs on anti-depressants forever or get over it and keep on pluggin' along. It only works to a point. Oh well, right?
Gun news everyone should know: Taurus's new 1911 compares to Kimber 1911s in side-by-side comparisons and theyre a third of the price. There is a KRISS .45 SMG in production that reroutes muzzle force downward to reduce noticeable muzzle climb. Sad thing is I thought of this when I was 14. I saw the design and said "oh, THATS how I shouldve designed it."
I really dont like my job. I type faster than anyone else in that building and get paid the least. I REALLY dont like jobs that dont advance based on production.
I turned 21 and now face the gruesome reality that no one at my work will ever, ever stop telling me to go get trashed with them. For the LAST FREAKING TIME, I dont drink, dont LIKE how you all come to work with hangovers, and dont like how you get away with it and I get chewed out for NOT doing it (literally, my boss did this. I should add that I am a supremely angry person to my previous bullet point)

More to come.

2007-01-08T00:46:00.000-08:00

You scored as Special Ops. Special ops. You're sneaky, tactful, and a loner. You prefer to do your jobs alone, working where you don't come into contact with people. But everyonce in a while you hit it big and are noticed and given fame. Your given the more sensitive problems. You get things done, and do what has to be done.
"VULCAN NECK PINCH!!!""owww.......(slump)"

Special Ops

94%

Combat Infantry

88%

Officer

75%

Support Gunner

75%

Engineer

56%

Medic

44%

Artillery/Armor

38%

Civilian

Which soldier type are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Although I wouldnt be caught dead using FN FAL if I could avoid it. Thats not saying that there is anything wrong with Fabrique Nationale, but the FAL just seems sort of...risky. I was actually hoping for support gunner...

Huzzah!

2006-12-18T21:13:00.000-08:00

I bagged a doe this weekend! I didnt see any bucks, but I wasn't feeling particularly picky anyway. I shot her at an angle--the bullet either hit her in the heart or missed by a little, but it definitely went through her lungs because she ran about 10 yards and dropped. I was extremely proud of the shot.

I'll post a picture as soon as Im able--right now I dont have the capability. More posts to come!

Bring on the Tums

2006-12-12T01:46:00.000-08:00

Sorry its been so long since a post. Its been hectic. Like "geez Jon, someone just broke into your truck and tried to steal it" and "your high school pal is getting married" and "I have no money for Christmas" hectic. Good stuff, eh? Good thing I have the chalky, fruit flavored goodness of Tums.

Relatedly, I missed my Biology exam because my truck's ignition was crapped out so I bombed THAT class. I havent told my parents this yet because frankly, Im pissed at it myself. Im getting all these feelings of failure to the human race and yadda yadda, so Im heading out this weekend with a pal from work to go deer hunting. Oh yes, good people, I get to hunt game this year after all. Ill post pics after I make my kill. Note my confidence.

Does it feel like Christmas? I dont think it does. Maybe Christmas requires children running around screaming about Santa.

If YOUVE NEVER HEARD OF THIS...

2006-12-09T02:14:00.000-08:00

Then you seriously arent human. This is the intro the the 1989 game Zero Wing. The phrase "All your base are belong to us" has been spread all over the place on the internet. Ive had a crappy week and this makes me laugh like crazy every time I see it. Enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-20T12:22:00.000-08:00

Im thankful for my sense of humor...if you can laugh after seeing the one about the victims of Darfur.

Please, SOMEONE stop them

2006-11-17T12:06:00.000-08:00

Theyre making a movie of IronMan, right? Great idea. Two problems, though: Robert Downey Jr. is Tony Stark, aka IronMan. Terrence Howard, who was in Hustle & Flow and other useless bunk movies, is WAR MACHINE. HOW DO YOU PICK A WEENIE TO PLAY WAR MACHINE?!

The name alone implies a brawny guy with a history of violence who lives only for the destruction of his foes, and they cast an actor with a voice like Michael Jackson. It becomes more and more evident to me that marketers have no connection with the people they market to.

In better news: They're making a movie of John Carter of Mars, one of the great epics of Edgar Rice Burroughs. Maybe...just maybe...they wont screw it up. Remember the last time they made a movie based on Burroughs' writings? It was Tarzan. The kids movie. Oy.

Time for some updates

2006-11-15T10:53:00.000-08:00

Its been a while, I admit. I would say things have been hectic, but they REALLY havent been--I just havent had the proper motivation to blog. Rejoice, good people, for I have returned. Like MacArthur, minus the cool pipe.

Unforunately for me, I have to work on Thanksgiving. This is what I like to call "corporate whoring". Dell requires a skeleton crew at UPS over the holiday; this translates to "find the only guy than can run the operation back to front and make him sit on his duff". Appropriately, all my striving for excellence and trying to learn other tasks to further myself have backfired in my face. At least Ill make double pay so I can afford all the pistols Ill be buying in two months. Speaking of which...

Now that the Democrats have Congress over their knee, I had better get cracking on buying the exotic firearms that I want. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that Feinstein, Kennedy, Conyers and the others will try to pass more bogus anti-Second Amendment legislation. We made such solid progress, too...

A new hope...

2006-11-08T01:33:00.000-08:00

America has spoken. The people of the United States have cast their votes in the direction of misguidance, useless legislation, open borders, bigger government, gay marriage, gun bans, and guys who drive their girlfriends into ditches and leave them to die.

Get ready for digression.

He ALMOST got elected

2006-11-02T00:35:00.000-08:00

Get it?!

2006-10-31T11:52:00.000-08:00

This Photoshop pic cracks me up. Ten points to the person who names where the quote came from.

Ode to the Barber

2006-10-25T12:16:00.000-07:00

What ever happened to barbers? I havent seen a single barber in Dallas since I moved here. I suppose they have all been replaced by "stylists" who think that when I say "make it short on top, go with the part" what Im really asking for is a neo-feminist hair-do that tells the world how egalitarian I am. Gar! For example, I go to WallyWorld today to get my haircut. Why WalMart?

Cheap
Quick
less stylistic than everywhere else

My normal stylist (ugh) is out, or canned, or both, so I get snagged by a woman who thinks Elizabeth Taylor is a woman to be idolized. I sit down in the chair, and I can tell in my gut that this is a very, very bad thing. Bail out! Evacuate! Say you have a sudden premonition of a bowel tumor! My brain says to me. No, I dupe myself into staying put.

Ill avoid telling the in-betweens of the actual cutting for my own health, but let me just say that by the end of it, I felt the need to rush home and take a pair of scissors out of the kitchen and butcher my own head in a furious tornado of masculinity and desperation. Boy, let me tell you....

Thats exactly what I did. Sad thing is, I did a better job on my own head than the Elizabeth Taylor doppleganger did. I think. If small children start weeping when I walk outside, then I will know.

Here's what you've been waiting for...

2006-10-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

My cousin got married this weeked in a muck of family I hardly remember and new family which Ill soon forget. I tell ya, Im eloping when my its my turn to get hitched. Maybe its because I worked for a wedding company, but I just bear weddings. Too much pomp, too much circumstance, not enough sensibility.
My dad called last week and said he had a dog come into the clinic with severe intestinal problems and they couldnt figure out what was wrong. They ran barium tests and the usual other stuff, and when they finally got around to performing a x-ray they found three tampons twisted in his small intestine. Thats....pretty gross. Poor doggy.
I ran into a girl in Sociology. By random chance, she attends the same church (denomination, anyway) that I do, doesnt mind my avid gunnuttery, and is cute. Suh-weet.
I went out and bought an iPod Nano last week. ITS FREAKING AWESOME! I remember the good ol days of tape decks and CD players, and Im stunned and amazed that I can drop this thing and the song doesnt skip. Call me old fashioned. I thought it would be a frivolous purchase till I realized it weighs like 4 ounces and holds 700 songs.

Peace out homies.

A REALLY quick update

2006-10-17T01:40:00.000-07:00

met a girl in Sociology. She might be crazy. I might be screwed. More on this later.
Had a wedding this weekend. Lots of people saying "I knew you when you were yay high". More on this later.
Im so close to 21 I can taste it. Raging Bull 454? Most definitely. Also, most definitely more on this later.
iPod. More...later...
Weiner dog with tampons in the intestines. Youll love it...when I tell you about it later.

The tension is unbearable, no?

All That is Good In Life is On Mail Call

2006-10-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

Check out this video:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4UtosDFNNP8

Its an episode of Mail Call (the greatest show on earth--its on the History Channel and its all about military stuff) where Gunny goes to the Knob Creek Machine Gun Shoot. Knob Creek is a glorious celebration of the Second Amendment. Oh....some day...

2006-10-11T00:57:00.000-07:00

Work is driving me crazy. We're stupidly understaffed with more work than we've had since Ive been there and frankly, Im getting sick of being there 11 hours a day before getting up way too early (for me, anyway) to go to a class that I couldnt care less about taught by a teacher who has evident disdain for me and "my kind". I would post about something else, but I cant think of any cohesive thought that doesnt apply to lack of sleep, bad dreams, lack of personal life, or work. Wait, here comes one...

My co-worker and I were debating the truth of Bowling for Columbine, which is unabashedly the worst piece of propaganda ever. He said he couldnt imagine someone wanting to shoot up their school and furthermore he didnt know anyone in his school who wanted to either. Seriously? I guess that makes me more screwed up than I originally thought. I would expand on this, but Im out of steam and time and I just figured I would touch bases before I crashed this morning.

2006-10-10T11:59:00.000-07:00

A thought struck me while sitting in church on Sunday night: There is no reason for me to feel out of place in the church. Ive been in the church since I was born, and yet I always feel like an interloper. The more I think about it, the madder I get. I keep thinking: when did I start feeling on the fringe? High school.

(dont worry, these two sort of tie together)

So now, the guys at work are trying their hardest to talk me into joining the club of the Eat, Drink and Be Merry crowd. I find it strikingly ironic that there is more acceptance with the drunks than there is in the church.

Sorry, Im mad and rambling. I dont even know what Im trying to say.

Feminity, by Dr. Seuss

2006-10-05T01:53:00.000-07:00

How do you look serious in that get up? I mean, seriously. Fashion shows are breeding grounds for the odd and ludicrous.

More updates

2006-10-02T00:14:00.000-07:00

Ive got alot more to say, I just havent gotten around to it. The gun show was last weekend, along with my parents being in town, so it was a real hoot. We started it all off by heading to Texas Stadium to watch a high school football game between Abilene High and Tyler Lee. Unfortunately, Abilene lost, and the East unfairly beat the West.

The next day, after I had done 7 hours of grueling Biology (three hours straight lecture, 3 hours lab, plus little breaks in between--its hard because the desks are too small, right-handed, and its at eight in the morning...) Brandon and I headed to the gun show to peruse some fine firearms. After much perusing, I decided on an Enfield revolver in .38 S&W that I got for $150, which is an outright steal. Its the smaller caliber brother of the Webley revolver that was produced during WW2--Ill post a picture sometime. Brandon picked up a nice Colt 1903 pocket pistol in .32 ACP, which has stupid grips but overall very good condition. Hooray! After that we all headed to an immensely overcrowded Texas Roadhouse for two hours of conversation consisting in "huh?"s and "one more time, I couldnt hear you"s.

My cousins wedding shower was Sunday after church, and let me tell you, I discovered that WEDDING SHOWERS ARENT FOR MEN. Ive never been, and the next one I go to will be mine, and I swear, I hope I never see one till then, or after. Horrendous things, wedding showers.

Open the Floodgates

2006-09-30T23:26:00.000-07:00

It has been a truly tumultuous week.

My pseudo-boss on night shift has been moved to days, so Ive been "promoted" to a sort of crew leader on nights. Thats all well and good, but pair that with three tests at school, 70 hours of work, and the previously mentioned A (previous posts, I mean) becoming mentally unstable and getting drug tested, Ive been running and havent stopped.

Let me start with the big stuff: A, my co-worker with the drinking problem, and drug problem, and ten thousand other problems (like Ive said before, its not a question of help offered to him, its a question of whether he wants it or not) has been acting very, very peculiar lately. On Tuesday, his serpentine belt went out on his truck, and if you know what that is, then you understand that it disables your vehicle completely. I figured, hey, I havent been nice enough to this guy lately and he could probably use a break, so I try, unsuccessfully, for two hours to put a new one on. He drives a Ford, which has higher pulley tension, while I drive a Chevy, and it was dark, and we didnt have the right tools...so basically, the whole mess was overly stressful with A on the verge of mental calamity the whole time. I wind up giving him a ride home, which insures me the next 2 years of A trying to be my best pal. Geez. Im nice and dont blow him off, I just am polite like usual, and Wednesday, when we all get to work, A seems a tiny bit more stable.

Skip ahead to Thursday: I come in at my usual time (3 in the afternoon) to find out that A has already been and gone. Timeline:

7:00 AM: A arrives 5 hours ahead of schedule for reasons no one knows. He immediately goes to the customer service reps present and starts talking about how something big is going to happen and we'll all know it, and we're all going to die, and generally scaring the crap out of the CS rep. He leaves, apparently; from now until 1:00 PM, no one knows what happened.

1:00 PM: A shows up an hour late for work, still speaking "out of the box" as the CS rep put it, and is immediately but gently escorted to the front of the building where security meets him to take him to take a drug test.

That was Thursday. Today, I get a call from my other co-worker, AA, saying that A called him schitzing out of his head and sent him an email that told his whole life story and seemed to read like a suicide note. So, I would ask anyone reading this post to say a prayer for this guy, because he doesnt know which way is up and Im not sure if its him having a mental collapse or its the drugs talking. Either way, God help everyone involved here.

Marx Schmarx

2006-09-19T01:36:00.000-07:00

Good news, everyone! Theres a guy at my work above me who works on UPS' largest Dell account (that portion is worth about 100 million dollars a year) and hes quitting! Im next in line! HOORAY! Maybe I can get another raise! Pass the cigars! And the money! And not in that order!

In related news, my boss came out and said that there were going to be some big changes there that would shake things up--see, we're not supposed to know C is quitting, but we're buds with him, so he told us. That leaves us with a conundrum--if they fire Dillweed, the borderline sociopath BEFORE this Saturday, theres a good chance I wont be armed when he comes in with his puny "assault weapons". I discussed this with my roommate, and he suggested I just stab him with a pen (its a joke...well, not really. All my coworkers think hes on the edge of insanity. I tried talking to him, but hes so pompous he wont listen. Goody!). We'll see how things go. Either way, good stuff on the way! A possible raise, a possible heroic action and suicidable death lunge....all the same to me.

In more related news, my inner ear has been ITCHING for weeks now. I have "excessive ear wax", meaning my ear wont stop producing the stuff, so it blocks my ear canal with black disgusting ear wax. Last time I was at my dads clinic we used he neato new ear looker thing (dangit! what are those called?! Anyhoo, it has a TV screen now! my black ear wax in FULL COLOR!) and it was hideously grotesque. It was like looking into HELL...or my clogged ear canal. Whatevuh. Anyway, I got some q tips and jammed that puppy in there and scratched my brain. It was the most satisfying feeling Ive had all week! You dont understand madness till your ear drum itches and you cant do jack about it. Its like Chinese water torture, minus the Chinese and the water and plus some ear wax. So I guess its like Jon ear wax torture.

I was going to relate the title to my Sociology class, but I ran out of steam and Im tie-herd.

2006-09-14T12:22:00.000-07:00

Ive noticed that whenever I blog, my posts are full of grammatical errors. Please note that I usually only blog at 4 AM before I go to bed, and after school and 10 hours of work and gym time, my brain isnt quite up to par. Then, Im only as smart as the rest of the planet! BWUAHAHAHA....just kidding.

When in doubt, empty the mag

2006-09-11T01:52:00.000-07:00

My Biology teacher is really cool, in sharp comparison to my Sociology teacher. Funny how intellectuals are often the stupidest.
Did I mention my raise didnt go through? Im really pissed about it. It trashes about 6 months of my long term financial planning.
People that believe CNN need to be shot. If you think Im joking, pay me a visit. Bush hates black people? OKAY! Bush creates hurricanes? OKAY! Bush bombed Iraq because hes actually a demon that feeds on oil? OKAY!
I dont believe in people. I think that directly interferes my ability to believe in God. Im sure all the agnostics will nod, but thats not what I mean, so philisophize (is that a word?) some place else.
I think that dillweed guy I work with is a deeply disturbed individual. I often notice that he isnt working, just sitting there staring at my reflection in the glass window by my desk. If he keeps staring I may shoot him. Its a serial killer stare. If hes going to try to kill me, I wish he would DO SO ALREADY so I can kill him back. It would make me and everyone else feel much better about UPS productivity.
I keep telling myself that in a year or two, things will get better and there will be a reason for my pitiful existence, but the more I go about my paltry business, the more I know Im lying.
I should sell my truck and get something that will break even so I dont have to pay loan payments anymore, but that would be a step down. Isnt digression a bad thing? I hate keeping up with the Joneses. Is there a Joneses boxing match I cam compete in instead?
I dread family get togethers. It has nothing to do with my family. Or maybe it does. Whatever.
I find myself pondering where I would hit Howard Dean if I met him. In the head? Too obvious. Groin? Too comical. Stomach? We might have a winner...but about that groin, again...
Iron Maiden put out a new album. Its actually their best in the last few albums.
Clipping fingernails has always seemed like a serious chore to me. Why wont they just stay clipped?

Im tired. College is bunk. Work is bunk. Im surrounded by idiots who dont know they are surrounded by bunk while I myself KNOW Im surrounded by bunk and cant do anything about it.

A Masticated Beauty

2006-09-09T23:31:00.000-07:00

There it is--my ideal motorcycle. Ive moved on from the stage of getting a crotch rocket (it turns out that people over 5'8" have trouble on those. Go figure. Stupid short straws!) So Ill stick with my initial stupidity and go for a solid, American-made Harley Davidson. I found a neat site that deals in Harleys with damaged parts that sell for much less. This one needs a new tank, air filter, possibly some other body work...and its selling for about $4000 less than it should. Hooray for me! It has such potential--I fabricated this great plan to make double payments on my truck for a while to get ahead then go ahead and buy the bike...

but then my raise didnt go through. Apparently, its not enough that I get heckled for being a teetotalling non-philanderer, but now I get to be the underpaid (wait...I already WAS the underpaid one) teetotalling schmuck. Glory be. And while Im on a roll about buttheads at work, let me just say that older brothers make for terrible human beings 90% of the time. Both the guys I work with beat the crap out of their younger brothers just because and it makes me madder than hell having been in the punchbag position for 15 years running. What does that have to do with anything, you say? It doesnt.

2006-09-09T23:27:00.000-07:00

I found out yesterday my raise didnt go through. That makes me really mad. I do twice the work of the other guys at work and strangely get paid 3 dollars an hour less because I came in as a temp instead of fulltime. Talk about getting the short straw. Im pretty peeved.

In other exciting news, I found a bike in the trash that is still good and only needs new tires (....dont ask). Hooray for me.

Also also wik, Romeo Y Julieta is a marvelous cigar brand. I highly recommend their robustos. Just so you know.

Ten Things Everyone Needs to Do

2006-09-07T00:59:00.000-07:00

Get a hold of some Dublin Dr. Pepper. Its wonderful. Its the oldest DP bottling plant in the world and the DP there is made with pure cane sugar. MARVELOUS.
Fire a shotgun. Like my uncle Tim told me once, "its better than sex!"
Have a good laugh at the two party system. Then get a new one that doesnt suck.
Live in the depths of poverty for a week.
Live in the lap of luxury for a week.
Eat their peas and spinach.
Drive a motorcycle. Its the epitome of freedom; its so much more exhilirating than a car!
Start a blog! Then delete it! Then start it again!
Smoke a La Gloria Cubana cigar. As soon as they life the *%#$& ban on Cuban products...anyhoo, Castro used slash and burn harvesting on his tobacco crop so I hear their cigars are worthless now. But I would try one anyway.
Hit a politician in the stomach. Maybe, all together, we can knock the hot air out of em.

Intestinal Fortitude abounds

2006-09-05T23:19:00.000-07:00

Or maybe not intestinal. Ive decided, along with my better judgment, to wait a year to buy a motorcycle. First off, I cant afford it, and secondly, it would be stupid financially in the long run, so Ill wait. Just a year....

Tomorrow I have to face my tard of a professor. Im sure he'll open the lecture telling us how Bush is such a knuckle-dragger with no intelligence but has still managed to alter the course of human history with his cyclotronic brain. Make up your mind, tard. Must set my sights on the goal: the gun show and my parents in town all on the same weekend! September 22! Im SO buying myself something pretty! We'll watch a little high school football (at Texas Stadium to boot) eat some good food, and maybe I can dupe my mom into buying me a pistol (just kidding--its not as satisfying if my name's not on it).

Stop looking at me like that, squirrel

2006-09-05T00:04:00.000-07:00

Bring the kids! An exciting story presents itself!

Picture this: Its a bright Saturday, around 3 in the afternoon, when my roommate and I step out for a bit of fresh air and maybe some good eats. Suddenly, I spot a squirrel on the ground by the tree right across from my front door! Awww, so cute! But wait...that look in his eyes...its the look of Nosferatu, or a crackhead, or some evil creature, anything but a fluffy little squirrel. Seriously, its just sitting there, splayed out on its stomach, staring at me. Its freaking me out. I think it has rabies. Being ever watchful, and very concerned about my neighbors hound catching rabies, my roommate tries to scare it away with an airgun (trained professionals, people, trained professionals). Lucky for the squirrel, my roommate was joking, I laugh, the squirrel runs up a tree and splays out again looking cracked out and wishing for a swift death.

I honestly thing there is wrong with this freakin' squirrel. He looks sick. I talk it over with my roommate and I decide to shoot the putz. One shot, down he goes, and the drama is over.

But I really think that thing was trying to kill me. Just sitting there watching....mostly, though, I wanted to shoot a squirrel. Shame on me. It was quick and painless, and I went and bought a blowgun for a silent takedown next time. I believe in sporting chances, after all.

Labor Day Update

2006-09-04T00:50:00.000-07:00

Today is Labor Day! I dont know what it is or where it came from, but I get work and school off. Speaking of school and work...

My Sociology teacher is an IDIOT liberal. It boggles me how his brain is emaciated with half-truths and pseudo facts. It hearts my head to listen to him. I cant risk crushing his puny arguments because then Ill fail the class. What a conundrum. Pass the class, smite liberal and maintain integrity...Must....smite...
Work is work. I go, I stay, I come back and sigh and say "whew, that was a long day of work".
Now that Im back in school, my lofty dreams of automatically knowing what I want to do with my life have been dashed to pieces. I realize now (...by that I mean "I realize for the hundredth time") college educations are a waste of my money, time and effort. Those teachers arent teaching me anything but what they think. It makes me so mad! Im paying them good money to stand up there and tell me Bush is a complete dope, incapable of common thought (yet he masterminded the disastrous Katrina mess to spite the blacks of the South), religion is all the same and Christianity is just like the rest, homosexuality is genetic and we cant help it (I almost stood up and slapped him when he told me this was an indisputable fact) and other nonsensical bunk. Oy vey! At least theres a gun show this month. Im going to try my hardest to get a Colt pocket pistol. Stay tuned for pretty pictures!

Ive got Buck Fever so bad I could scream

2006-08-31T00:42:00.000-07:00

I was watching this reality show on the outdoor network with Ted Nugent and he was gutting a whitetail he shot. Oh Lord, I want to go deer hunting so bad I can taste it. I feel like Ive been gypped out of my chance to kill a deer--every year, theyre out of range, or my rifle is underpowered, or someone (AAAAAAAAAAAAARG) shoots before I get the chance to get into position...and now Im in Texas, I have nowhere to go. Its shameful. It makes me feel worthless. I suppose I put too much emphasis on hunting (wait, no I dont! screw you PETA nuts! Arise, kill and eat!) but there really is nothing more I enjoy in life than tracking an animal, the growing anticipation, then only time with a rifle, the primal urge to eat your prey's heart (just kidding...sort of).

Sigh...Ill just...keep on...working.

More to come, Ive just been swamped lately.

A Temporal Oddity

2006-08-20T18:13:00.000-07:00

Starting tomorrow, Im back in college. Hooray for me! After a nice little three semester soul search, Im hitting the books once more soundly with my head. The fellers at work say that I wont be able to juggle school and work at the same time, but then again, they said I couldnt cut 14 hours of work down to six. And I did. So smooch my overachieving kiester. My ACT scores should ensure my free passage--if not, UPS will kindly pick up the tab. Nice gig, eh? I think Ill take Biology for starters along with a little algebra. I feel the need for mathematics. My brain is starved for information.

Also wik (get it?) I have this old flute that I pulled out of the trash in high school (it was an old teachers flute and my band director chucked it since its not worth much....) and I brought it back to Dallas to pawn, but I realized its not worth that much so I think Ill learn to play. I can figger it out. I already play horn, so why not a step down (hyuk hyuk) to woodwinds?

In other news, my cube mate is most likely going to move down to Austin. This is quite depressing--if he does, Ill get another promotion, but its a really sorry consolation. The crew of three in my department (all three of us are 20) will be down to two.

More to come, I swear

2006-08-17T01:07:00.000-07:00

Work is slow, my brain is slower. Ill post some...stuff...later on.

Ive got Buell fever

2006-08-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

BEHOLD! The Buell Lightning XB12Ss! Buell is the brainchild of a former Harley-Davidson designer gone rogue; he later returned to HD and is now working as a subsidiary. What you get from the whole deal is an American streetbike made by Harley with a 1200cc V-twin on a 400 pound frame. Hooray! To add to the deal, Buell has sleek design and mucho amounts of technical innovation--putting the oil reservoir in the swingarm, the gas in the frame to increase center of balance--and thats such a kick butt color! I had my doubts before, but this new model has an extra-long frame to accomodate taller riders (like me), so its now feasible to ride one without my ankles dragging.

I know half the technobabble makes no sense if youre unfamiliar with motorcycles, but just know that it is a beautiful bike that you hardly ever see on the roads. The Japanese still reign supreme in the sportbike market (excluding Ducati and some choice others). You just wait, Japan!

Find Your Way Back*

2006-08-07T23:37:00.000-07:00

From the immortal Jefferson Starship. Its two days till we pack and leave for Artesia, and the apprehension in my heart grows with each passing minute. I dont know what it is. I cant remember why, either. I just really can't stand going to that town. I enjoy the time with my mom and dad immensely, but I cant stand that town. I have heart palpitations when we hit the Texas border and when I enter the town I feel like crying because I feel like...
well, I cant remember.

Let me start over. I went to school there--7th grade to senior in high school, met my good friend Brandon, and some more good friends--but I suppose that the experience was so traumatic that I forced most of the memory from my skull and I cant remember any of it. Any time Brandon says something like "you remember that time we...(fill in the blank)" its like I remember something like that happening to a character in a book, and me standing outside of it shaking my head in abject pity. I figure that living there and experiencing the disorienting mix of constant depression and a feeling of utmost rejection didnt help any. Loooong story short, I hate that town. I wish my parents would move. I feel like everyone there looks down on me and I feel the need to stand up and point my figure in anger and prove to them that I am, indeed, a superior human--but thats not happening.
While Im on the subject of abandonment and depression (at least Im connecting thoughts here) I really think Im manic depressive. I cant remember a time in the last 4 years when I wasnt depressed and feeling the creeping temptation of suicide in the bank of my deluded brain. I was on Zoloft for a while, but it made it worse (by the way, I wouldnt recommend that drug to anyone, ever) so I quit taking it. Im just at my wits end here. I dont know what to do with myself. School will just make it worse. I think to myself constantly that I need to make a positive impact on society, and that Ill never have the clout to do so--I have the smell that drives people away or something like that. So, I could pull a Jim Jones and shock people out of their stupidity, but that wouldnt get me anywhere. Except on a 15 second blurb on CNN.

In trutina*

2006-08-07T23:24:00.000-07:00

In Valley Ranch. Apparently, the 24 hour gym that my apartment complex provides isnt open 24 hours. Also apparently, Im the only sole awake at these hours. Also also apparently--and quite disturbing--people from Artesia, that insipid whole in the earth where death resides--have chosen to take up residence in the very apartments where I live.

Oh, cruel fate. FIND SOME OTHER PLACE TO LIVE!!!!!

I mean, come ON, I left there to avoid them, and yet, here they are, stalking about at my door, waiting to ambush me and drag me back into the infernal backwood abyss of New Mexico (not really, but its late and Im feeling corny. So corny, in fact, Im downloading Slim Whitman.)

*Carl Orff. Look up the words for a rough translation. Hands down, my favorite musical overture ever. Who can beat O Fortuna, Imperatrix Mundi?

Advertising for Absurdity

2006-08-07T11:58:00.000-07:00

Im going to try a new idea on my site--once in a while, Ill analyze a particularly insipid commercial and give a little review. Here goes the first:

I keep seeing this Nissan Maxima commercial where its an immaculately maintained couple cruising down an obnoxiously clean city street and the woman is rouging her lips--or at least preparing to. She pauses, waiting for the car to shift up a gear so she wont smudge her makeup from the "shift shock". She waits, and waits, and the guy looks smug, then starts making "vrrooom" noises like a racecar shifting. It then ends and says that there is no shift shock in the new Maxima, a good thing for all its rouging inhabitants. Two main complaints:

The engine sound belongs to a monstrously well-tuned high end V6 and not a stock Maxima. Typical car commercial.
The car never actually shifts in the commercial! You can hear the engine distinctly--it just keeps increasing in RPMs, like the dope has it stuck in first gear. He just makes the noise and its inferred that its shifting and you just cant see it...but the engine noise is still there, loud as can be, in the background.

I wonder if the creators of this ad know about this. Maybe its a joke.

Counting down the days

2006-08-07T00:41:00.000-07:00

(Im warning you, Im going to drift)

This weekend my sister, brother-in-law and I will head on down to my parents house to visit for the weekend. I try not to think about it; the guys at work (the ones my age, anyway) all live in the same towns as their parents which just solidifies my own depression over having such a huge gap in my family. We've always been that way, I guess--we meet and talk like mad once, maybe twice a year, and thats about it. Maybe its because Im the youngest and thereby sort of pushed aside--my sister usually has alot more going on, and my brother attracts alot more attention--but I always feel like Im getting the short end of the straw when it comes to family matters.

The guys at work (see a pattern? curse peer pressure...I hate even being considered susceptible to it, but it eats away at me regardless) all talk about how they see their parents and it was so much fun, they did this and that and had a blast. I cant remember a time when I visited my parents and we just sat down and did something as a family. Maybe the road less traveled requires sacrifice at all levels, but for the love of Pete, none of us are do long in our mortal coil and I can feel the days of my youth ticking away. I sound like a geezer.

This brings up my next point...I didnt ever do anything crazy in high school (I lie--we made explosives, tracked ammonia triodide all over the halls of school, lit a park on fire with napalm...just nothing crazy with girls, or booze, or...anything interesting). Its eating at me now. Badly. These old guys keep telling me that I need to loosen up, Im young, Im missing all the good stuff. I want to pull my hair out and tell them a thing or two about missing out, like missing....well, I cant think of any defense. Im just tired of being such a cynic and so aggressive and offensive about everything. I cant bring myself to not despise the human race. Ive got so much bottled up frustration that I cant figure out how to get rid of. I try my best at being less antsy--I really do--they say "mind over matter" and my mind is sharp and observant and at its neural prime, but trying to whip my own psyche is a bit tougher than I thought.

For example--last week at work--just a heads up, its been End of Quarter so things have been crazy, and Im trying to get a raise sorted out, and one of my co-workers grandfather had a heartattack leaving me as the export honcho, so Ive been kinda stressed--it was about midnight and we had finally wrapped up work and were waiting on one of the temps to be finished scanning documents into the database. The two other temps, both women, came over to my desk to talk to my cubemate and I about some nonsensical drivel and they started talking about something really disgusting. Ive asked them time and again to not talk about it around my desk, and I guess this time it just rubbed me the wrong way. I got mad and told them to talk about that crap at their own desks and a bunch of other things (it wasnt that nice when I said it, believe me) and one of the temps said that I was only mad because I "wasnt getting any". That made it alot worse, and I then proceeded to point and yell and intimidate the living daylights out of both of them. So sue me; I apologized the next day after my boss pulled me into the office to make sure I wasnt mad and to reassure everyone that I wasnt going to drag my sociopathic butt in the next day and shoot the place to kingdom come. I didnt realize that my abstinence was such a sore spot with me, but I guess it is. All anyone ever talks about is sex, sex, sex, and when you are the only one in the room--in the building--trying to be a decent, God-fearing person, the feeling of loneliness and me-against-them gets worse and worse. It reminds me of when Elisha hides on the mountain because he slew the prophets of Baal and thought that he was going to be killed. Im the only one left, he tells God. Just me. And Them. Thats how I feel. God reminds Elisha that there are 5000 (I think) people just like him in another place, just waiting. Soo...

Where, exactly, are my 5000?

Comcast is no longer sweet

2006-08-04T09:59:00.000-07:00

I learned last week that Comcast Cable is making a deal with Time Warner to transfer control of the cable in this area. This means that I will now have to put up with the crappy service of a company that actually thought it was a good idea to purchase AOL when they lost 976,000 customers last quarter (thats the actual number). Goodie. The whole point of me getting cable internet was to get away from the parasitic software AOL provides and get faster internet. I can guarantee that it will slow down after the transfer.

Gar! Hippies!

2006-08-02T11:40:00.000-07:00

For the first time in two years, I am on the brink of entering college (....again). Brando and I went to the local college here to apply for fall classes and I realized that I needed to check with Oklahoma Christian to see if my transcript request went through. Ive sent three. I call up the registrar, ask about my transcript, and get the response:

"We have no record of a transcript request."

IM GOING TO DRIVE UP TO OKLAHOMA AND GO BALLISTIC! Ive sent THREE! Thats more braincells than the entire state of Oklahoma combined can come up with to get me my FREAKIN TRANSCRIPT!

So I decided Ill forget I ever went there (a wise choice) and start over as a basic freshman. I was little worried--namely, I havent been in school in two years and yada yada--and Brando pointed out that we were by far the biggest guys we saw on the campus, three years older than the freshmen, have more experience, more facial hair, more brains, and more guns. Nothing to worry about. hyuk hyuk.

2006-07-31T00:22:00.000-07:00

2006-07-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

O Lord, you decieved me, and I was deceived;
you overpowered me and prevailed.
I am ridiculed all day long;
everyone mocks me.
Whenever I speak, I cry out
proclaiming violence and destruction.
So the word of the Lord has brough me
insult and reproach all day long.

But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name",
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up within my bones.
I am weary of holding it in,
indeed, I cannot.
I hear many whispering,
Terror on every side!
Report him! Let's report him!
All my friends
are waiting for me to slip saying,
"Perhaps he will be decieved;
then we will prevail over him
and take our revenge on him.

But the Lord is with me like a mighty warrior;
so my persecutors will stumble and not prevail.
They will fall and be thoroughly disgraced;
their dishonor will never be forgotten.
O Lord Almighty, you who examine the
righteous and probe the heart and mind,
let me see vengeance upon
them,
for to you I have committed my
cause.

Sing to the Lord!
Give praise to the Lord!
He rescues the life of the needy
from the hands of the wicked.

Cursed be the day I was born!
May the day my mother bore me
not be blessed!
Cursed be the man who brought my
father the news,
who made him very glad, saying,
"A child is born to you--a son!"
May that man be like the towns
the Lord overthrew without pity.
May he hear wailing in the morning,
a battle cry at noon,

For he did not kill me in the womb,
with my mother as my grave,
her womb enlarged forever.
Why did I ever come out of the womb
to see trouble and sorrow
and to end my days in shame?

Anthem

2006-07-27T21:52:00.000-07:00

an excerpt from Nobody's Listening by Linkin Park:

So I suppose it gets to a point
Feelings gotta get hurt
And get dirty with the people
spreading the dirt

Try to give you warning
But everyone ignores me
(Told you everything loud and clear)
But nobody’s listening
Call to you so clearly
But you don’t want to hear me
(Told you everything loudu and clear)
But nobody’s listening

I got a Heart full of pain
Head full of stress
Handfull of anger
Held in my chest
And everything left is a waste of time
I hate my rhymes
(But I hate everyone else’s more)
I’m riding on the back of this pressure
Guessing that it’s better I cant keep myself together
Because all of this stress
Gave me something to write on
The pain gave me something
I could set my sights on
You never forget the blood sweat and tears
The uphill struggle over years
The fear and the trash talking
And the people it was to
And the people that started it
Just like you

Landmine has taken my arms, taken my legs...

2006-07-26T23:38:00.000-07:00

I got my new phone before I headed to work today (went in early, stayed for twelve hours...end of quarter, you see) and I didnt get to play with it until about 5 o'clock cause we were so busy. I finally spent a little time in the fiddlin' process and downloaded two ringtones to try them out. BOY HOWDY, this phone rocks! I bought Tom Sawyer (Rush) and One (Metallica) and I test-played One and it knocked my socks off. Metallica?! On my phone?! Sign me up!

Razrs are great. Ive been wanting a nice flip phone for a long while now, and finally I have one. Im giddy like a school boy! I dub my new phone..."pimp".

Look! Im a fiddler crab! Its fiddler crab season!

2006-07-26T23:31:00.000-07:00

A funny story straight from the bowls of UPS:

We have a warehouse manager who was grandfathered in from the buyout of Menlo Worldwide--hes a manager simply because he survived the hostile takeover and knows a little about Menlo's workings. Hes a lousy manager, and not only that, but hes girly (so girly he sits in the office doing his hair and giving himself a manicure--his nickname is Charming, since he looks like Prince Charming from Shrek 2). Anyhoo, hes annoying as all get out, but hes funny in his redundancy. On Saturday, he apparently was cruising around on a forklift being lazy when he careened into the warehouse office; I dont know how, its a building inside the warehouse. He plowed the forks right into the wall, leaving two huge gouges. No one saw the accident, so being the girly weasel (but hes so funny in his girliness! He tries being macho, and the machismo collides with his manicure and the insuing trainwreck makes me laugh despite myself) he is, he decides to go home, get a can of paint and some cardboard, come back to the building, staple some carboard over the holes, and paint the whole wall hoping no one would notice. Unfortunately for him, its a different color from the rest of the office, so it sticks out like a sore thumb. Needless to say, first time I saw the damage and I fell over laughing.

I think hes a genuine loon.

Razr worries

2006-07-25T23:37:00.000-07:00

I ordered my new phone and plan from Cingular last week--a black Razr with their basic plan, and Im super-stoked about it. It was delivered early today, but it arrive 20 minutes after I left for work. My roommate gets to the apt. an hour after I leave, so I called to ask him about it. He hadnt seen it.

Im not worried. I looked up the order number on the UPS site and it says it was delivered to an office, so its probably the apt. office. Im not worried. Nope, not worrying right now....

Geez, I hope someone didnt jack my phone!

2006-07-24T20:47:00.000-07:00

I posted a comment on another person's blog (who shall remain unnamed) in response to the question "What moment made you feel elated" or some such thing. I posted a response about how I remember getting a 36 on my ACT and feeling great. Someone posting in anonymity responded with:

Uh, I don't think I'd be bragging if I'd made a 36 out of a possible 1500, duh.

I wont post a response on the person's blog saying how stupid Anonymous is for this statement, but Ill retort on my own to satiate my own need for written superiority. Youre thinking of the SAT, Anon. It goes to 1600, not 1500. You have shown the planet that you are a tard, and a cowardly one at that. Way to go! Better get this out of my system in my own domain to not seem like a jerk (heh)

An Inconvenient Person

2006-07-21T12:24:00.000-07:00

Al Gore! His movie, An Inconvenient Truth, has caused widespread tree-hugging across the nation this summer. I watched a clip for it, because global warming just might have some validity--but when Al Gore introduced himself as "the man who used to be the next President of the United States" I remembered that, oh yes, Al Gore is still moping about the 2000 election, and I dont believe a word he will ever say. Its really sad. I dont trust him or anyone affiliated with him--after Day After Tomorrow, where Hollywood showed it had undeniable ties with Gore and his whacky pals, I cannot stomach anything they say.

Sad, aint it? I guess we'll just have to wait ten years to see if we all die from melting ice caps and angry drowning polar bears.

Nothing to blog

2006-07-21T01:10:00.000-07:00

So Ill bum from Alisa and list like a big bad dude.

3 Things That Scare Me
removal of the Bill of Rights
decline of Western society
losing the spiritual war

3 People That Make Me Laugh
my roommate Brando
my dad
Mike Nelson and the MST3k crew

3 Things That I Love
my family
my guns
good, productive labor

3 Things That I Hate Most
despots & scum who prey on the weak
bias
rap

3 Things I Don’t Understand
women
why Diet Coke is so yummy
why anyone would willingly vote for Howard Dean

3 Things I Am Doing Right Now
jamming to Creed and Sam & Dave
drinking Diet Coke
thinkin'

3 Things I Want To Do Before I Die
mission work
visit the Smithsonian
engage in a hopeless battle for a righteous cause

3 Things I Can Do
fieldstrip just about any military gun produced in the last 100 years
troubleshoot a computer
play French Horn

3 Ways To Describe My Personality
unique
trustworthy
quirky

3 Things I Can’t Do
watch network television for more than an hour
eat anything that crunches while still alive
get a date (man, Im good)

3 Things I Think You Should Listen To
Savatage, baby!
yourselves
me

3 Things You Should Never Listen To
rap
anyone else who dogs you
the bell tolling

3 Absolute Favorite Foods
meat, in all its guises
pizza with meat on it
meat Ive killed and prepared myself

3 Things I’d Like To Learn
how to play bass
oration to move a crowd
judo

3 Beverages I Drink Regularly
Diet Coke
more Diet Coke
sometimes water

3 Shows I Watched As A Kid
the Last Starfighter
Animaniacs
the Tick

Fall to Pieces*

2006-07-20T23:51:00.000-07:00

This has been a crazy week. I got a haircut which changes my view of life (nothing like a good shearin' to raise the spirits!), a new guy started a work so its been easier, Ive only gotten 23 hours because Dell is preparing for the EOQ next week (they're going to hammer us, so its the calm before the storm) and Dillweed at work is seemingly on the verge of mental collapse. I am kind of in a fix. Let me fill in the details.

Dillweed has me centered as his only good pal on the planet, which makes me feel like crap for avoiding him. Im serious, if he deserved my pity, it would be different and I would LIKE to help him, but he tries to force his woes on people and it just makes folks mad, because we all have problems enough without being burdened by complete strangers. The bigwigs sent him home Monday because he smelled so badly that it was disrupting work. Its not that he doesnt have available assets, he just doesnt bathe. So now hes been really subdued instead of obnoxiously outgoing; I suppose the sendhome made him think, and we figure hes really started hitting the booze and the weed because he has been in a constant stupor since the beginning of the week. My boss thinks this might be the beginning of the end for D, and I tend to agree at this point. He only talks to me now--like Im his liason (sp?). I need to do something, but Ive been a floormat to enough people with overwhelming personal problems that I dont want to willingly throw myself on the doortsep and invite guests without knowing its for the betterment of everyone. I just hope he doesnt decide to open fire without due warning.

*Velvet Revolver. great song.

A Dissection of the RPG-7

2006-07-20T00:22:00.000-07:00

There has been ALOT of media coverage over the RPG-7 in the last 3 years. Being a man of hte people, I just feel the need to give yall the run down on this simple, yet effective, piece of Russian surplus crap--you know, in case youre going to the store and get jumped and have to know alot about RPGs. It happens...in Los Angeles. Anyway.
The RPG, designed by our Soviet pals 40 years ago, is the jihadist's next best friend (next to, of course, the AKM) and has been produced in every Soviet satellite nation EVER. RPG stands for Rocket Propelled Grenade--the actual projectile is two pieces, the warhead and the booster assembly which are assembled prior to firing (if you had the two together, you might trip and find yourself extra crispy). There are several types of ammunition, ranging from HEAT rounds (High Explosive, Anti-Tank) to anti-personnel, to your generic warhead, such as the one you see in the picture. Oddly enough, the generic, mass-produced high explosive warhead uses a piezo-electric fuse (piezoelectricity is the electricity drawn from crystals when compressed) which can be disabled by setting up a chain link fence. Get me? Chain link will stop an RPG half of the time--the round passed through the chain link and disables the fuse, so if it does hit you, itll just be fast moving club instead of an incinerating cone of gas like normal (cause thats what it is--superheated gas, not actually an explosion. It varies on the type of ammunition, of course).

The actual launcher has a crapload of warnings--dont stand and fire upwards unless standing on a rock six feet off the ground or youll incinerate your legs with the backblast; dont have anyone standing within 65 feet of the breach when you fire because the thing seriously has a lethal backblast that extends back that far. Dont stand by any walls, dont put the eyepiece close to your head or it will knock you out, make sure the booster is attached properly and the wax seal is not broken (or the booster will split and, well, blow you to little chunks). Neat, huh? Im amazed you dont hear lots and lots of reports of terrorists and insurgents blowing themselves (or their comrades) to bits trying to fire them in closed quarters. Luckily for us, the Russians made 9 million before production ceased, so the supplies are endless. I know what Im getting for Christmas!

And is anyone else wondering why a police officer is holding an RPG? Does he plan on using it on the crowd?

The Jetsons II: After the Armageddon

2006-07-19T23:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, I ripped that line off from Mike Nelson, but I start that way because there have been an enormous amount of crappy sequels lately-- Disney has based their entire operation on crappy sequels lately. You have MIB 2, seven years after the original came out, Clerks 2, which is sure to be much lousier than the original for multiple reasons, Super 20,000 or whatever theyre up to now--we have sequels running out our ears. Ive thought up a few of my own to pitch to hippy directors so I can sue them for snatching my ideas when they inevitably stoop to taking my suggestions:

CareBears the Movie II: Revenge of the Toilet Seat Covers
Pirates of the Carribean III: Ahoy Me Ear Swabs (dang, they beat me to it)
Manos, the Hands of Fate: The Triumphant Return of Torgo
Madeline Returns: Conjugation Conundrum
Fight Club II: More Brad Pitt Pretending Not To Be a Weenie
Ed the Sock the Movie
Karate Kid IV (or is it V? or VI?): Puberty Strikes Back
Die Hard Even Harder: Achtung! More of Ze Germans!
Survivor the Movie: Less Deodorant, More Whining
Riding In Cars with Boys...and Dogs: The Final Conflict (its gotta be EDGY, man! These hip kids gotta be with it...yo)
Baby Geniuses III: The Genocide Begins

In a related note, I found out theyre making a movie of Transformers that comes out next year. Lucky for us, they let that manic queerbait MICHAEL BAY direct it, meaning there is a good chance that Optimus Prime will turn into a giant toaster or something incredibly stupid and off base, simply because he thinks it sounds cool. Save a seal, someone club Michael Bay.

Anyone have any sequels to add?

"What's the name of the game?" "Invasion!"

2006-07-19T22:32:00.000-07:00

A while back, I discovered I could download audiobooks as well as ripping off the Man by jacking old Iron Maiden and Judas Priest songs. I got the original recording Zero Hour by Ray Bradbury on the CBS Mystery Theater, and I must say, it rocks. If you can find a copy of Zero Hour (I remember reading it in one of his short story compilations, but I cant remember which one--just read em all!). Good stuff.

Also, I found an awesome shirt that Im going to order off the internet. Like it? The actual shirt was white, so the picture is text only. Ohhhh well.

Sam Walton would be ashamed

2006-07-18T23:03:00.000-07:00

Or at least I like to think so:

Wal-Mart to Stop Selling Firearms in Some Stores
Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the biggest seller of firearms in the country, said it is discontinuing sales of guns in about 1,000 U.S. stores due to insufficient demand, part of an effort to boost sluggish sales by better matching store merchandise to individual neighborhoods.
The Bentonville, Ark., retailer wouldn't say which stores would stop selling guns and whether sales at those stores had fallen off recently or had always been substandard. The company said the move to stop selling guns at what amounts to about a third of its U.S. stores is part of Wal-Mart's larger effort to improve its "store of the community" program that tailors store products to neighborhood demand.
"If demand is not there for an item, we stop selling it," said Karen Burk, a Wal-Mart spokeswoman.
Wal-Mart declined to break out its gun sales. However, its much broader sporting goods and toys category, which includes firearms, was one of three merchandise categories whose percentage of Wal-Mart's total sales slipped last year.

Taken from http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB114502845796126154-jcrkfu5PX8z0BQRHMo7IhpzeqCQ_20070415.html?mod=blogs.

I give this four thumbs down. Wal-Mart sells cheap shotgun shells! Where else will I get them if THEY dont have them? GRRRR!

SIGN THAT PETITION

2006-07-18T00:45:00.000-07:00

http://www.petitiononline.com/M14CMP03/

Another nail in the coffin

2006-07-18T00:29:00.000-07:00

...of originality. Im sure many of you have seen last year's blockbuster smash, The Island, directed by the lousy, meatheaded excuse for a human, Michael Bay, who has also poisoned the planet with crap like Armageddon, Bad Boys II, and other things that are worth a good shin-kicking. Can you tell I dont like him? Cause I dont. Back on topic! My sister suggested I watch it, and Ill give the movie the props that the plot is a serious mind-bender. But oh so familiar....OH YES!

Its a dead ripoff of the 70s movie Parts: The Clonus Horror, a movie I have seen "reviewed" by the hearty men of Mystery Science Theater:3000. I mean a DEAD ripoff. So close, in fact, that the director and owners of the rights to Parts are suing that dirty dog Michael Bay for plaigarism in over 90 cases throughout the two movies. Personally, I thought Parts wasnt a bad idea, it just had some issues. Michael Bay, on the other hand, has never, never, produced something I enjoy. Read an interview with him. The guy is a pompous meathead. I think he directed Pearl Harbor, too, which made me groan when Alec Baldwin (ALEC BALDWIN) portrayed the bold and inventive Colonel Doolittle. Please dont make me vomit. Or, if you insist, let me vomit on Michael Bay.

Im done.

a post for Demo

2006-07-17T00:36:00.000-07:00

Blizzard is never going to make a Starcraft 2. They announced this about two years ago, I think a little before they produced Starcraft: Ghost, a stab in the back to the hardcore, original PC fans by selling out to the console meatheads. An MMO is a massively multiplayer online game, meaning that if indeed they do crapify Starcraft and make it MMO (which they would, since Blizzard is now controlled by greedy jerks now who dont remember the good ol' days of Diablo II and Warcraft I, the Starcraft game would turn into a huge orgy of 41 year old men pretending to be 18 year old girls and whiny kids hacking and stabbing you in the back.

A side note to anyone who is interested: massive online games are the worst idea ever. Im serious when I said that comment about the old men pretending to be women. I guess people figure that since its online and no one knows you, you can be a disgusting pervert and run around having cybersex in public chatrooms and over the public channels. its gross and I hate what it has done to computer games. Good thing Ive given them up.

Another side note: I look fondly on the time I spent playing games when I was younger, but that was a time BEFORE you had utter crap like Everquest (the first really huge online game; people call it Evercrack because there have been suicides from online rejection--no joke). Back then games had to have in depth plotlines to compensate for shoddy graphics. Those are the games till worth playing in spare minutes when Im utterly bored.

And while Im still on the subject of games nowadays, note in the picture the obnoxiously, overly perfect elf-lady-object. Its gotten worse since Everquest came out--game women now are SO disgustingly disproportionate that it is NO WONDER that guys like my ex-brother in law cant snap themselves back into reality and realize how utterly stupid the entire idea is. Now Im done. But I dont want to be.

Once again, Israel opens a can

2006-07-17T00:32:00.000-07:00

Take note, Middle East: its not a wise idea to attack Israel. Really. Did you learn nothing from the Six Day War, or the constant plight of the Palestinians? Apparently not. Personally, I ecstatic that someone is taking a stand. What really gets me is that the UN threatened sanctions on Israel if they didnt stop defending themselves and the US was the only country to veto the move.

So, we dont put sanctions on half of Africa for genocide, but we sanction Israel for retaliation to protect its citizens? I see how it is. Kofi, you have the brilliant stink of jackass all over you.

More Penny Arcade Classics

2006-07-17T00:30:00.000-07:00

2006-07-15T00:20:00.000-07:00

Ive thought alot about what my future holds. My musings have led to wall after wall--I thought that I had reached the end of my considerable means. Then, I realized, I want to be JUST LIKE...

Steven Seagal.

Oh yes. Not only has he been in at least 3,000 direct to video smash hits, but he also has his very own brand of energy drink:
http://http://www.lightningdrink.com/features/trueenergy.html and a hit album, that uh, hits people. Mentally. Like a strike from a deadly tiger that IS Steven Seagal. A now fat tiger. Who is talentless.

man, if only I had my own energy drink made with Yerba Mate and other non-caffeine ingredients. Theres a review of his amazing brew at Agony Booth, which is a site I enjoy terribly.
http://www.agonybooth.com/agonizer/article.asp?Id=0000006

Blizzard Entertainment is a dirty whore

2006-07-14T00:21:00.000-07:00

And if they MMO Starcraft I swear Ill hunt them down. Dont give the REAL, original fans (I played it as a kid) a sequel then shoot us in the back and make it MMO, huh? I hate you, Blizzard. No, seriously.

This calls for pirate radio!

2006-07-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

My favorite rock station was bought out by a corporate entity recently and now sucks big time. Before, there tag line was all about how they werent corporate and how its better to be independent, and then they sold out. I mean, they REALLY suck. Its not ClearChannel, so they play the stuff that the ClearChannel station already wore out so its like the bad old days all over again.

It drives me crazy! Why keep playing Carry On Wayward Son when Kansas has tons of other great songs? Or Simple Kind of Man instead of Skynyrd's other greats? Dont they get tired of hearing it themselves, or am I the only one left who gets really tired of the same old crap? Guess so.

Which brings me to about six thousand other points, but Ill stick with one. Lately there has been an attack of new rock bands that all sound exactly the same with redundant, stupid lyrics and childish guitar riffs that a trained chimp named Rosie could master in 30 minutes. You go Rosie. Anyhoo, Im fairly sure the stations get a contract in advance to hype a song from a specific group regardless of how good it is. Like the Foo Fighters latest album--its a complete disappointment compared to all the great things theyve done before, but it gets run into the ground anyway. Constantly. It seems to me now (Im sliding into another point, sorry) that bands are getting the drift they dont have to try as hard anymore so they just put out crap that sells fast because people are stupid. Red Hot Chili Peppers last hit song sounded exactly the same as about 50 other songs that have come out lately, barely straying from the central chord established at the beginning of the song. Pearl Jam (not that I expect those tards to put out anything good now anyway) had a crap record come out a few months back that is so basic that the first time I heard it I thought it was some corny new band and didnt even recognize their previously distinctive guitar. GARRRR!

Just flip on the radio and listen to any new song...none in particular...and it is almost assuredly similar--strikingly similiar--to a song youve heard in the recent past. I cant almost guarantee it. Sad, aint it? Time for Jon's PIRATE RADIO! So...whats a ham radio? No one has told me yet.

2006-07-13T12:25:00.000-07:00

Im a befuddled fellow. I need to purge some stuff from my overpacked cranium.

Things Ill never understand:

The fascination with Paris Hilton. There are plenty of scrawny, squinty chicks around already.
Why we dont have a base on the moon yet. Screw global warming, lets colonize!
Why Al Gore doesnt just start crying at a press conference and get all his anger out. We all realize youre a sad little man. Just let it go, Al.
Why people think fondly of the 70s. I mean, all we got was disco, and bad Mustangs, and Jimmy Carter...
Indie rock.
Why God hasnt smitten us all yet for blasphemy. Turned on the TV lately?
Why Calico went under (sniff)
How to tie a tie. Im just to lysdexic, I spose.
Why people insist on sitting next to you in an empty theater. Feeeel the hive mind.
Why cats are so lazy.
Women.
Where all my ballpoint pens go.
The parasitic dealings of AOL.
Why we havent diverted all our military might to attacking the UN. They hurt us more than any other agency.

If you get bored, you should look up info about the Iraqi supergun. Its interesting, for sure. A little Cold War leftovers, anyone?

2006-07-13T01:08:00.000-07:00

I checked the value of my truck today to see if it was possible for me to sell it and have enough money for me to buy a cheaper car. Strangely enough, it is the exact same value that is left on my loan--I mean exactly. Its been this way for two years. I guess it depreciates at the exact same rate as the loan payments are deposited. Fooey.

A piece of fat to chew on

2006-07-12T12:43:00.000-07:00

Metaphorically speaking. My cubicle mate A found wasnt in the office Monday and showed up late yesterday. I figured something minor had happened or he just decided to call it quits, but he came in and said he found out Monday his roommate hadnt paid his half of the rent since they moved in four months ago, so he got evicted and had to move suddenly. That stinks.

How do you NOT pay the rent for four months?

Uhhh...

2006-07-12T00:14:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know what a ham radio is?

The Hammering Process

2006-07-11T01:24:00.000-07:00

I cant sleep, so Im going to attempt a mental dump so I can get a little shut eye.

Lately, as in the last few months, my thoughts keep drifting back to how tumultuous the last two years has been for me. I went from graduating high school to ditching college, to getting fired from 7 jobs to living in an apartment with my best friend from high school who I just knew I would never see again after high school. Life is seriously weird.

I need to get back in school. Desperately. I realize that working at UPS is a super job for someone my age, but to me, stability is stagnation, and I hate staying in the same place for long. Its been a year since I moved to Dallas, and I think now that I have things kinda sorted out that I want to go to school at Lubbock Christian. Alot of the reasons I avoided going there are gone now, or I simply dont care about them anymore. Ahhhh...I dont know.

On a less heavier note: I got my Oxpho-Blue in the mail! Time for my rifle to go black once again.

I heart classical music

2006-07-07T00:06:00.000-07:00

Im completely out of music to listen to. Ive downloaded every song I can think of that Im not already sick of (its getting harder, I declare) and Ive now reverted back to classical music. It brings me back to the days of yore with my band director, the immortal Mr. Dillon, screaming from the top of the auditorium in marching practice to hold our heads up, play louder, blend better...we rocked big time.

Anyhoo, I download Mussorgsky's Pictures at an Exhibition. The intro harmony is absolutely fantastic. I could spend an eternity in the french horn counter melody. Its beyond description. Then the song moves on to utter blandness in comparison to that 3 seconds of french horn counter melody. Ive gotten to the point when I live for the tiniest chord progression in a song, then change it afterwards because the rest of the song pales in comparison. Go figger.

GAR Im so bored. Is anyone else up at 3 in the morning?

More Fetid Feces, Fed Forcefully from...

2006-07-06T01:06:00.000-07:00

The Brady Campaign, who is busy protecting US citizens from their worst enemy: themselves. A quote from their hippy...I mean, completely factual database.

Second, there are certain classes of weapons that should be out of bounds for private ownership. They include Saturday-night specials, which are used almost exclusively for crime, military-style assault weapons like Uzis and AK-47s, and .50-caliber sniper rifles, which serve no ordinary sporting purpose.

Im a gun nut. What the fatty is a Saturday night special? is that like a .38 Special used on a Saturday? or a special gun you buy at a gun show on a Saturday night? If thats the case, then my Schmidt-Rubin rifle, which is now turning 63 and lookin' great, is classified as one. I love those indiscriminate terms! You could easily compare the evil, indiscriminate assault weapons used by the evil gun-toting NRA to the indiscriminate terminology of the Brady Campaign. Anyhoo, heres another tidbit straight from the bowels of their spin factory: The FN Five-SeveN is now the pistol of choice for criminals shooting cops. Move over Glock, you done got high-rollered out! That picture is a Five-SeveN. Number one, that gun costs 850 new. Thats really cheap. A Glock or any other reliable semi-auto costs around 500 or lower, depending on the quality and age and so forth. The exceptional part of the pistol is the caliber: the 5.7x28mm round, used exclusively in only two guns in production (they may have spread more, I need to research a little, but on Fabrique Nationale uses it to my knowledge). The ballistics are amazing, but the bullet is rather easy to spot and trace because of its exclusive use. SO, the Brady Campaign has revealed another appalling truth to us...actually, two appalling truths:

Our criminals are buying super-swank pistols so their bling bling matches their gat gat;
Our criminals can afford the expensive and hard-to-find ammunition instead of just opting for the tried and true, very very common 9mm round.

You go, Sarah Brady! You go...stuff it.

2006-07-06T00:32:00.000-07:00

Im not done ranting yet. Make Poverty History is alot of bunk. What good are they really doing? What does donating money without widespread action ever do anything? Look at the people who donated to it last time! The Arms Reduction Coalition?! What does that have to do with reducing poverty? Or is it just that the same group of organizations are always in bed together, since they are all buddy-buddy with the UN, the most gut-useless, corrupt organization on the planet? If you want to put a dent in poverty then volunteer at a soup kitchen! Get your hands dirty! We have this entire mentality that enough money will fix all our problems--instant weight loss, instant AIDS cure, instant poverty dissipation? Has anyone considered that it is an overwhelming social problem? Just read this, a quote from their site:

This injustice will only be changed if enough citizens across the world call on rich country governments to change their trade policies, for example at the World Trade Organisation (WTO).
We need to stop people's lives being destroyed because of unfair trade laws -

UNFAIR TRADE LAWS?! Try genocide in Africa causing poverty! Try vast amounts of people being displaced because of insurrection in all over the continent! Try ignorance on behalf of the Chinese! Who do you think the donated money will reach? The governments! Not the people! For the love of God Almighty, how do they not get the point?! Even that pinhead Bono gets it:

http://edition.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/africa/06/29/bono.africa.reut/index.html

Have all the concerts you want. Throw a big party celebrating fair trade that will end poverty (HOLY CRAP).

I just have one rhetorical question for them to answer: Would fair trade end the starvation of the people of Somalia when Aidid was holding the food? GREAT idea. Fair trade! That has the be the stupidest notion Ive heard in the last 6 months (I cant say ever, Howard Dean keeps opening his mouth).

If I throw a bunch of crap, some of it is bound to stick

2006-07-06T00:16:00.000-07:00

Make Poverty History!
http://www.makepovertyhistory.org/
Or yet another way of saying "Throw money at it so you dont have to interfere and get your hands dirty!" I guess the whole end AIDS and hunger thing is kinda not so hot anymore, eh? Note how they have supermodels campaigning with signs on their site to promote donations and support. Screw having a conscience, there are MODELS! Im in, for sure!
Meanwhile, the United Nations, in all its supreme executive idiocy, has declared war on gun ownership in America (oh sorry, illegal guns in the world, not just America...click on the link for an update http://www.nraila.org/CurrentLegislation/Read.aspx?ID=2283). Im glad to see that stupid people can still gain positions of power. Where would we be without senseless ambulance chasing, and oil-company harassment (for the last freakin' time, the oil companies DONT CONTROL PRICE), and an endless barrage of small, useless laws--Everyone, get out there and vote more politicians into office this year! We need consummate politicians because we regular folks are far too stupid to govern ourselves.

Besides, Kennedy needs a thousandth term.

The Bell Tolls for Thee*

2006-07-04T23:17:00.000-07:00

I spent today at my sister's apartment on the far side of the metroplex, wasting away the Fourth without fireworks. Today has really reminded me of several things:

The Fourth stinks in town. No fireworks...bah! Im a country boy! Pass the explosives!
There are two types of people: hippies, and those who arent hippies.

Now about the hippies: Im not sure who any of the people at my sister's apartment were (I knew 2, I think...) but theyre all hippies. I know its a stereotype, but Ive spent all day trying not to stereotype and defending them to Brando when I dont even know who they are in the first place. At first glance...and second glance...and several long stares...I have determined that the "ladies", or girls, were meatheads of the highest degree. I mean honestly! Acoustic guitar has killed western civilization in the hands of schmoozy white guys who think they can pass themselves off as musicians! BEING a musician, I have to say that POWER CHORDS ARENT MUSICAL UNLESS SUPPORTED BY MELODY! AAAAAAAARGH! I know this doesnt make sense. But theyre all hippies. Tis a good thing I have resigned myself to being me and not caring.

I just dont understand them thar hippies. At one point, one of them called his friends up and invited them over to the apartment. Pardon. Its not your apartment. I dont know how well Mark knew him, but I mean COME ON! How audacious do you have to be to invite friends to someone else's house without asking first? Gimme a freakin break. My butthead-o-sensor is going off constantly now-a-days.

PS--Ashley needs an enema. Worthless git. I say that with full, unadulterated confidence.

*a song by Rush. I dont know if thats the name or not.