Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Jetsons II: After the Armageddon

Okay, I ripped that line off from Mike Nelson, but I start that way because there have been an enormous amount of crappy sequels lately-- Disney has based their entire operation on crappy sequels lately. You have MIB 2, seven years after the original came out, Clerks 2, which is sure to be much lousier than the original for multiple reasons, Super 20,000 or whatever theyre up to now--we have sequels running out our ears. Ive thought up a few of my own to pitch to hippy directors so I can sue them for snatching my ideas when they inevitably stoop to taking my suggestions:

  • CareBears the Movie II: Revenge of the Toilet Seat Covers
  • Pirates of the Carribean III: Ahoy Me Ear Swabs (dang, they beat me to it)
  • Manos, the Hands of Fate: The Triumphant Return of Torgo
  • Madeline Returns: Conjugation Conundrum
  • Fight Club II: More Brad Pitt Pretending Not To Be a Weenie
  • Ed the Sock the Movie
  • Karate Kid IV (or is it V? or VI?): Puberty Strikes Back
  • Die Hard Even Harder: Achtung! More of Ze Germans!
  • Survivor the Movie: Less Deodorant, More Whining
  • Riding In Cars with Boys...and Dogs: The Final Conflict (its gotta be EDGY, man! These hip kids gotta be with it...yo)
  • Baby Geniuses III: The Genocide Begins

In a related note, I found out theyre making a movie of Transformers that comes out next year. Lucky for us, they let that manic queerbait MICHAEL BAY direct it, meaning there is a good chance that Optimus Prime will turn into a giant toaster or something incredibly stupid and off base, simply because he thinks it sounds cool. Save a seal, someone club Michael Bay.

Anyone have any sequels to add?


Blogger Frustrated Writer said...

Ishtar II: Those aren't sand crabs you've got there bubba.

Bambi 3: Gut Shot Blues

Jungle Book 4: Ligermania

2:46 PM  
Blogger GreatBeefalo said...

I dig the Bambi 3 one. Everyone should get into the spirit of crappy sequels! George Lucas did!

11:49 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home