Ive thought alot about what my future holds. My musings have led to wall after wall--I thought that I had reached the end of my considerable means. Then, I realized, I want to be JUST LIKE...

Steven Seagal.

Oh yes. Not only has he been in at least 3,000 direct to video smash hits, but he also has his very own brand of energy drink:
http://http://www.lightningdrink.com/features/trueenergy.html and a hit album, that uh, hits people. Mentally. Like a strike from a deadly tiger that IS Steven Seagal. A now fat tiger. Who is talentless.

man, if only I had my own energy drink made with Yerba Mate and other non-caffeine ingredients. Theres a review of his amazing brew at Agony Booth, which is a site I enjoy terribly.
http://www.agonybooth.com/agonizer/article.asp?Id=0000006