Tuesday, October 30, 2007

A new disease plagues the people...

His name: Michael Bay. Not that he's new; he's given us "classic" movies like Armageddon and Bad Boys I and II. I recently watched Transformers (against my will and better judgment) and seriously, folks, Bay should not be allowed to direct anymore. Why, you ask? His special effects are stupendous, with moving, epic battles, throbbing soundscapes, etc. etc. Here's what I want all my readers (all 3 of you) to do:

  1. Rent/watch Armageddon
  3. try to have a cognitive thought during a slow scene, i.e. the epic cookie sex scene

Its not possible. Why? Because Bay, that ham-handed, moronic, lousy excuse for a director, insists on having every single moment of his movies jam packed with noise, or movement, or a shiny veneer (spelling, probably) that makes your head throb. Its senseless, and has no point, and is sheer tripe. Besides all that, Bay's last great movie, the Island, has been sued for flat-out plaigarism. The original story that was lambasted by Mystery Science Theater 3000 was called Parts: the Clonus Horror, and if you watch it you can tell that the Island is a newly refurbished carbon copy of Parts. so, in conclusion:

Michael Bay is a talentless joe who steals ideas, repeats the same wornout idiotic formula, panders to corporations for extra income (watch Transformers and count the sponsorships; I counted 21 and didnt include all the GM bits--by the end, I felt like Id watched a 2 hour Chevy commercial) and generally brings me closer to aneurism every time he makes another movie.

Thats all.


Blogger Frustrated Writer said...

I liked all of the movies mentioned because of the action. If I wanted plot, I would watch something by Hitchcock.

7:45 AM  

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