Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Stop looking at me like that, squirrel

Bring the kids! An exciting story presents itself!

Picture this: Its a bright Saturday, around 3 in the afternoon, when my roommate and I step out for a bit of fresh air and maybe some good eats. Suddenly, I spot a squirrel on the ground by the tree right across from my front door! Awww, so cute! But wait...that look in his eyes...its the look of Nosferatu, or a crackhead, or some evil creature, anything but a fluffy little squirrel. Seriously, its just sitting there, splayed out on its stomach, staring at me. Its freaking me out. I think it has rabies. Being ever watchful, and very concerned about my neighbors hound catching rabies, my roommate tries to scare it away with an airgun (trained professionals, people, trained professionals). Lucky for the squirrel, my roommate was joking, I laugh, the squirrel runs up a tree and splays out again looking cracked out and wishing for a swift death.

I honestly thing there is wrong with this freakin' squirrel. He looks sick. I talk it over with my roommate and I decide to shoot the putz. One shot, down he goes, and the drama is over.

But I really think that thing was trying to kill me. Just sitting there watching....mostly, though, I wanted to shoot a squirrel. Shame on me. It was quick and painless, and I went and bought a blowgun for a silent takedown next time. I believe in sporting chances, after all.


Blogger Demosthenes said...

I can't remember if I've shared this story before either here or on my blog so if I have - I'm sorry.

But my brother's college roommate used to capture squirrles in a trap, shoot them and then cook them and eat em.

That being strange enough, one day he grew a conscience for some reason and just could not pull the trigger. So he called a buddy to come over and do the deed for him. When the buddy put the barrel inside the cage, the squirrel got excited and ran over to the gun and grapped in just like in the cartoons and stared right down the barrel.

And although I did not see this happen, in this moment of total cuteness the buddy blew the freakin squirel's head off causing either shrieks of horror or intense laughter from whomever was there to hear them tell the tale. I for one thought it was funny.

6:04 AM  
Blogger Frustrated Writer said...

ah, the death of a squirrel is a good thing bringing thousands upon thousands of angels to dance upon the head of a pin... or something like that.

6:11 AM  

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