Get it?!

This Photoshop pic cracks me up. Ten points to the person who names where the quote came from.

Ode to the Barber

What ever happened to barbers? I havent seen a single barber in Dallas since I moved here. I suppose they have all been replaced by "stylists" who think that when I say "make it short on top, go with the part" what Im really asking for is a neo-feminist hair-do that tells the world how egalitarian I am. Gar! For example, I go to WallyWorld today to get my haircut. Why WalMart?

1. Cheap
2. Quick
3. less stylistic than everywhere else

My normal stylist (ugh) is out, or canned, or both, so I get snagged by a woman who thinks Elizabeth Taylor is a woman to be idolized. I sit down in the chair, and I can tell in my gut that this is a very, very bad thing. Bail out! Evacuate! Say you have a sudden premonition of a bowel tumor! My brain says to me. No, I dupe myself into staying put.

Ill avoid telling the in-betweens of the actual cutting for my own health, but let me just say that by the end of it, I felt the need to rush home and take a pair of scissors out of the kitchen and butcher my own head in a furious tornado of masculinity and desperation. Boy, let me tell you....

Thats exactly what I did. Sad thing is, I did a better job on my own head than the Elizabeth Taylor doppleganger did. I think. If small children start weeping when I walk outside, then I will know.

Here's what you've been waiting for...

• My cousin got married this weeked in a muck of family I hardly remember and new family which Ill soon forget. I tell ya, Im eloping when my its my turn to get hitched. Maybe its because I worked for a wedding company, but I just bear weddings. Too much pomp, too much circumstance, not enough sensibility.
• My dad called last week and said he had a dog come into the clinic with severe intestinal problems and they couldnt figure out what was wrong. They ran barium tests and the usual other stuff, and when they finally got around to performing a x-ray they found three tampons twisted in his small intestine. Thats....pretty gross. Poor doggy.
• I ran into a girl in Sociology. By random chance, she attends the same church (denomination, anyway) that I do, doesnt mind my avid gunnuttery, and is cute. Suh-weet.
• I went out and bought an iPod Nano last week. ITS FREAKING AWESOME! I remember the good ol days of tape decks and CD players, and Im stunned and amazed that I can drop this thing and the song doesnt skip. Call me old fashioned. I thought it would be a frivolous purchase till I realized it weighs like 4 ounces and holds 700 songs.

Peace out homies.

A REALLY quick update

• met a girl in Sociology. She might be crazy. I might be screwed. More on this later.
• Had a wedding this weekend. Lots of people saying "I knew you when you were yay high". More on this later.
• Im so close to 21 I can taste it. Raging Bull 454? Most definitely. Also, most definitely more on this later.
• iPod. More...later...
• Weiner dog with tampons in the intestines. Youll love it...when I tell you about it later.

The tension is unbearable, no?

All That is Good In Life is On Mail Call

Check out this video:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4UtosDFNNP8

Its an episode of Mail Call (the greatest show on earth--its on the History Channel and its all about military stuff) where Gunny goes to the Knob Creek Machine Gun Shoot. Knob Creek is a glorious celebration of the Second Amendment. Oh....some day...

Work is driving me crazy. We're stupidly understaffed with more work than we've had since Ive been there and frankly, Im getting sick of being there 11 hours a day before getting up way too early (for me, anyway) to go to a class that I couldnt care less about taught by a teacher who has evident disdain for me and "my kind". I would post about something else, but I cant think of any cohesive thought that doesnt apply to lack of sleep, bad dreams, lack of personal life, or work. Wait, here comes one...

My co-worker and I were debating the truth of Bowling for Columbine, which is unabashedly the worst piece of propaganda ever. He said he couldnt imagine someone wanting to shoot up their school and furthermore he didnt know anyone in his school who wanted to either. Seriously? I guess that makes me more screwed up than I originally thought. I would expand on this, but Im out of steam and time and I just figured I would touch bases before I crashed this morning.

A thought struck me while sitting in church on Sunday night: There is no reason for me to feel out of place in the church. Ive been in the church since I was born, and yet I always feel like an interloper. The more I think about it, the madder I get. I keep thinking: when did I start feeling on the fringe? High school.

(dont worry, these two sort of tie together)

So now, the guys at work are trying their hardest to talk me into joining the club of the Eat, Drink and Be Merry crowd. I find it strikingly ironic that there is more acceptance with the drunks than there is in the church.

Sorry, Im mad and rambling. I dont even know what Im trying to say.

Feminity, by Dr. Seuss

How do you look serious in that get up? I mean, seriously. Fashion shows are breeding grounds for the odd and ludicrous.

More updates

Ive got alot more to say, I just havent gotten around to it. The gun show was last weekend, along with my parents being in town, so it was a real hoot. We started it all off by heading to Texas Stadium to watch a high school football game between Abilene High and Tyler Lee. Unfortunately, Abilene lost, and the East unfairly beat the West.

The next day, after I had done 7 hours of grueling Biology (three hours straight lecture, 3 hours lab, plus little breaks in between--its hard because the desks are too small, right-handed, and its at eight in the morning...) Brandon and I headed to the gun show to peruse some fine firearms. After much perusing, I decided on an Enfield revolver in .38 S&W that I got for $150, which is an outright steal. Its the smaller caliber brother of the Webley revolver that was produced during WW2--Ill post a picture sometime. Brandon picked up a nice Colt 1903 pocket pistol in .32 ACP, which has stupid grips but overall very good condition. Hooray! After that we all headed to an immensely overcrowded Texas Roadhouse for two hours of conversation consisting in "huh?"s and "one more time, I couldnt hear you"s.

My cousins wedding shower was Sunday after church, and let me tell you, I discovered that WEDDING SHOWERS ARENT FOR MEN. Ive never been, and the next one I go to will be mine, and I swear, I hope I never see one till then, or after. Horrendous things, wedding showers.