Friday, April 28, 2006

Oh, The Places You'll Go!

by the immortal Dr. Seuss.

Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.


You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)


be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

That book is still inspirational. I didnt get it at graduation, but I read it anyway. What a great book.

Ka-Twanga goes the felony charges

I received my pistol crossbow in the mail on Tuesday. Ever since then, strange things have been happening around the neighborhood. For instance, a strange crossbow bolt was found in the neighbors window. Ahem...must be falling from the sky! It didnt damage the window, it just got stuck in the corner when it richoted. I mean, when it fell from the sky.

This sucker is great! Too bad we cut down the tree in the back yard. If I want a squirrel, then I have to venture in the front, and that is sure to get me in hot water. Luckily, the local Sonic has a back lot that has happy rabbits (go figure) prancing about at night, oblivious to guys in white trucks with pistol crossbows. time for a lesson in paranoia! Brando and I have been brainstorming on ways to improve ballistic performance so itll actually kill a rabbit in one shot, so we dont have to chase it down and lance it to death with knives. Its not quite accurate enough for a solid head shot, yet. Gimme a few days. MUAHAHAHAHAHAH...I need a bigger crossbow now. Shouldve gone for the 120 pounder...or a manriki chain!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Things are looking up...some more. My boss called me into his cubicle, office, whatevery ou want to call it, and said that they might have a permanent position for me sometime soon. Hooray! The next month should prove to be an exciting one. Every weekend for the next five weeks is taken up with nice things to bide my time. Heres a dumb list, since I know everyone is chomping at the bit to know what I am doing for the next month.

This weekend: work. Saturday, Sunday, money for me all over.
May 6-7: Get ready to move into the new apartment on the 8th. Im giddy!
May 13: Head back to Artesia to pick up a load of furniture to add zest and sitting space to new apartment. Till then, Brando and I will sit on my one couch and watch Adult Swim on our two 30" TVs. Good times.
May 21: Meet with PreacherBoy and the rest of the already familiar blogosphere inhabitants. This is going to be really, really interesting.
May 28: I do believe this is the weekend of my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, and the whole family is gathering in Arizona for food and fellowship. Hooray again!

Now I just sit back and wait for the White Rabbit.

Monday, April 24, 2006


I keep having stupid dreams. I used to not have memorable dreams at all (my family will argue the point--when I was 10 I had nightmares that woke everyone up every night, for a year or so--least I grew out of the sleep walking, bloodcurdling scream stage) but now I have dreams every night, and I vividly remember most of them. Strangely enough, a considerable amount of them in the last few months have involved my great grandmother's house in Lohn, and none of them have been pleasant; all of them have had really disturbing auras or twists or something that removes all the fuzzy feelings I get when I think of her house. Its starting to get bothersome.

My crossbow didnt come in the mail today and Im brooding over it. I work for UPS, so shoulding I get automatic priority for my packages? only jesting. This brings up a recurring thought ive been having...If I go postal, should I go somewhere besides work? I think all my coworkers are packing heat.

in closing (I swear Im wrapping it up) we get the Quick section of the Dallas Morning News at our desks at work (its a section of the paper with tidbits of news and odds and ends; basically a summary of the previous day). There are comics in the back, and they have Brewster Rockit in there. Ive never seen the strip till now and it makes me laugh my head off. Todays (I couldnt find it on the internet) featured their ship getting cutbacks so they couldnt buy guns, so the girl sarcastically said they would just have to point their fingers and go "bang bang", and Brewstir told her to stop wasting ammo. Man, I was rolling.

Marvel at its Mechanical Superiority!

Bush is getting on my bad side. Ive supported him pretty much all through his administration, but I completely, whole-heartedly disagree with him on immigration. We DONT need a worker program. He was doing okay till he started trying to satisfy the screaming, bloodthristy left, which he will never, ever, ever have any weight with. So very aggravating! I know Bush is aware of how bad the illegal immigration has gotten--he was the Governor of Texas, for crying out loud! Arg!

I had an entire post written up last night and it didnt upload and I guess Blogger trashed it. I cant even remember what I posted about. Ah well, guess it happens. Anyway, back to things of REAL importance: what kind of pistol am I getting when I turn 21? Ive been mulling over the 44 Mag idea proposed by Writer, then I had a counter-proposal: what about a .41 Mag? I bet the ballistics are decent and suitable enough for my current needs. I might just settle (I say settle...) for a .357 so I can have .38s too. Then again, I might just go for the PLR-16...a .223 pistol is mighty tempting. Dang! Can I have a poll? That picture is of a PLR all schnazzed out in "tactical" bunk. The sling would be useful, though. and the rail. The scope...okay, Im getting carried away. Iron sights suit me. Also, I think I would have to get the forearm. Last time I fired a .223 pistol I just about grabbed the barrel (since there isnt anything else to grab except the magazine and the mag well, and grabbing the magazine jacks the feed up). Ive descended into rambling, so I apologize. I just like talking about guns. My dad called me (and my brother, it was an argument over the M1 Garand) and I enjoyed sorting it out very much. Whats the point in the know-how if you dont use it, eh?

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Cover your ears, Margaret

Okay, this post is dedicated to my new co-worker: Alicia. She replaced Luvetta last week (pronounced la vida, like living la vida shot, but funny anyway). She took the job I was doing before I took Luvetta's. My job consisted of copying and stapling documents. A trained monkey with no limbs and a constant brain hemorrhage could do it blindfolded in a snowstorm. Get me? I can breakdown a shipment (thats what its called) in 30 seconds. For some weird reason, it takes Alicia like 5 minutes per shipment. This wouldnt matter but when you have 700 shipments a night, do the freakin' math. I say this on the blog so I dont embarass myself saying dumb things later. Im such a nice guy! I mean, shes not stupid, I think shes just lazy. Dangit. Laziness irks me.

Something good everyone should hear: Remington has started (well, a while back) importing Baikal shotguns from Russia under a new name and a marvelous agreement. the subsidiary is called Spartan Gun Works and they sell shotguns for really great prices. Baikals are decent shotguns, and those are great prices. Bueno.

Shoot me in the foot so I dont have to

Im getting a new toy in the mail tomorrow. I cant say what it is because my family will get mad for me wasting money. So sue me! I did it THIS ONCE! It was cheap! Ill drop hints.
  1. Its not a gun, but its close enough to be satisfying.
  2. it goes twang.

Ah, screw it. Its a crossbow. Squirrels beware.

Seems to me the whole human race has emotional cyles as a collective. When Im pissed, it seems the whole planet is; not just people around me, people on the news, on the internet...Maybe Im just overly empathetic (I scoff at myself).

I really want to blog but I really DONT want to blog about politics. I hate politics and everyone involved with them. In avoidance of the topic, Ill blarb about stuff. MI-3 is coming out. Whos brilliant idea was it to make a third? In 5 more years, theyll probably make a fourth, if Tom's arthritis isnt too bad. I wonder who the hapless nimrod in this one will be...he has to save SOMEONE, right? I bet its L Ron Hubbard. Hes coming back, you know. Uh, sometime. Or later. See, hes just like that. Good ol' Ronny! Those pedophilia rumors were just hooey anyway!

So now that I have an apartment, I get the mandatory lecture from everyone within 600 yards about how I should handle my money. Apparently, rent removes both cash and brains. Please, everyone post and remind me I should save money and split bills and not blow all my cash on frivolous things, because by golly, I was born 8 hours ago.

I went to church tonight, and like every other time I attend this particular church, I walked away mad. Why? Because instead of having walls built from anger over past resentments, or skin color, or brain power--this church has built all their walls about money. I loathe money. I loathe people who worship money. Honestly. Root of evil, for sure. Wont go into details.
Well, in point of fact, I loathe just about the whole human race.

In other news, I found my long-lost Godsmack acoustic album and that makes me happy all over. Ive also discovered that I can listen to audiobooks at work while the mundane hours of my existence tick by with a number attached. So far I toasted off Ender's Shadow by Orson Scott Card, and this week I have The Old Man and the Sea (you should know who wrote this anyway), The Sigma Protocol by Robert Ludlum, and War of the Worlds by Wells. Dandy fun time has begun.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

How to waste Congress our pal, Diane Feinstein.

  1. Choose a state stupid enough to elect you....say, oh, California, with great strongholds of, erm, democracy like San Francisco.
  2. Propose useless legislation that is merely a smokescreen to hide your transparent, retarded motives.
  3. Display the keynote of your legislation before Congress...

Attached is a picture of Feinstein holding up Congress.

What a dope.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Origin of the GreatBeefalo

Im sure some of you are wondering where I found my delightful moniker. Surely someone is, anyway. I will relate this story with gusto and much ado...

Between the days when the oceans drank Atlantis and the rise of the sons of....
Ah, nevermind.

It was 7-8 years ago, and my sister and I were bumming around the house (I cant remember exactly when this was, she might be able to fill in the gaps of my story) and we were playfully ramming words together, trying to make up new ones. I cant remember any of the good ones we had, but somehow we managed to get beef and buffalo, and you guessed it, put them together. I thought this was a find worthy of the history books, so I decided (jokingly) that I would become the GreatBeefalo. I found out recently that a beefalo is a legitimate animal. Bunch of name-stealing hacks, I say. Thus, the GreatBeefalo came to be...
Many 11 year olds have cursed the moniker while playing Americas Army Online, receiving a thorough whipping from my skilled hands. Sigh...those were the days. Soon, though, soon...when I get my fast connection back, Im going to be tromping children and pseudo-gun nuts on Americas Army. "Hey, give me the M239!" Ah, uneducated children.
Ah, the refreshing feeling of 101 degrees in April! Im so terribly glad that this summer is going to bust the 130 mark...

Anywho, just figured Id post an update of my goings-on. The next two weeks (maybe three, the Peeps say) are the end of the quarter at UPS, so we have mandatory 7 day weeks. Last night I worked 12 hours without a break, but since I dont have to stand that much, it wasnt so bad. And besides, I brought my radio and headphones so I was listening to the book of Acts while I was working. Good stuff, I declare. The only problem is that the girl I mentioned quitting in a previous post decided to leave at a horrendous time. Now, I have to train a temp to replace me while I take over her job Im only mediocre at (right now). Itd be fine if they could get me a temp who could work quickly, cause the one we had yesterday was flat-out terrible. Nothing I could say could inspire her to work faster. I suppose "motivational slapping" is out of the question.

Last weekend, Brando and I went and sorted through all this apartment bunk, so we move into our new abode on May 1st, depending on how long this 7 day work week thing lasts. Hooray!

Monday, April 17, 2006


EVERYBODY go to and go a third of the way down the page and look at the picture of Michael Jackson! Anyone notice anything odd? How about looking at both the Jackson picture and the one below it? I think its funny anyway.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Trouble Brewing

The odd thing is, for once there ISNT trouble brewing and Im at a loss for words. Ive grown accustomed to getting crapped on, so Im terribly surprised to find out that lately...

feces has not been raining on my head. I have an excellent job with promise of long-term permanence, soon I will have my own bachelor pad, I got my tax money from the IRS (600 dollahs! Now i can fix my truck)....things are strange. Now, to matters of true consequence...
Ive been debating since I was 16 (think Im joking? Unfortunately not...) what kind of pistol I will buy when I turn 21 in January. I really, really want a 1911, but since I already own an automatic, I think Ill hold off for a while and get a Taurus Raging Bull in .454 Casull, which I have desired for a mui long time. Input? I can find used examples of both in the same price range, so its just a matter of choice. See, if I get a Raging Bull I can go wild boar hunting! Where and when, I dont know, but the option remains open!

and in other news, the girl that trained me at work is leaving for a better job, so I get her position where I get to sit down, have my own desk (like I mentioned getting in an earlier post), and read a book while scanning documents for 9 hours. This comes as a complete shock to me; I just got here, and Ive already gotten a better position! Cigars all around!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Spread the Fat-Free Goodness

Art, my co-worker at, well, work, let me use his IPod Shuffle tonight because he was saddened that I didnt have a CD player at my desk yet. I was cruising through his tunes and found this really great song by Don McLean. I wasnt even aware that Don McLean did any other song of mention besides American Pie! Regardless, the song is stupendous and the lyrics are stupendous-er.

Castles in the Air, Don McLean

And if she asks you why, you can tell her that I told you
That I’m tired of castles in the air
I’ve got a dream I want the world to share
And castle walls just lead me to despair

Hills of forest green where the mountains touch the sky,
A dream come true, I’ll live there till I die
I’m asking you to say my last goodbye
The love we knew ain’t worth another try

Save me from all the trouble and the pain
I know I’m weak, but I can’t face that girl again
Tell her the reasons why I can’t remain,
Perhaps she’ll understand if you tell it to her plain

But how can words express the feel of sunlight in the morning,
In the hills, away from city strife
I need a country woman for my wife;
I’m city born, but I love the country life

For I cannot be part of the cocktail generation:
Partners waltz, devoid of all romance
The music plays and everyone must dance
I’m bowing out, I need a second chance

Save me from all the trouble and the pain
I know I’m weak, but I can’t face that girl again
Tell her the reasons why I can’t remain,
Perhaps she’ll understand if you tell it to her plain

And if she asks you why, you can tell her that I told you
That I’m tired of castles in the air
I’ve got a dream I want the world to share
And castle walls just lead me to despair

Isnt that great? its a bzillion times better (Im guesstimating, it may be closer to half a bzillion) with the music. I highly suggest everyone of astounding taste (such as myself) to dash out and find a recording of this song. Download it, maybe; I dont think youll find it easily in a record store.


Im pretty fed up with all this pro-immigration bunk. pro-immigration is just a misconstrued tagline used by the media to sway the voting public (those of us that can and do vote). Everyone (excluding some radical whacko groups) is in favor of immigration, because a majority of Americans, probably 75%, are descendants of immigrants. To assume that Congress, or Bush more pointedly, is conspiring against IMMIGRANTS is the stupidest concept Ive ever heard of. It is appalling that people fall for crap like this!
We are talking about ILLEGAL immigrants, you know? The ones that come across the border and have illegimate chiildren to assure their citizenship, then dont pay taxes, or social security, or pay homage to our great country. Boy, I wish I could get away with skipping out on taxes and still get to enjoy roads, schools, parks, buildings, and so many other things paid for by tax dollars!

Half a million people showed up here in Dallas last Saturday to protest "anti-immigration". I can think of some fine examples of anti-immigration and Stalin, with his Purges. The Kurds. The butchery of the Tootsis in Africa. Now, lets focus on Stalinist Russia and what it stood for: tyranny and suppression of free thought, speech, religion, and all the other things the tards in this country take for granted every day. Now, lets look ahead to the next great "pro-immigration" march in our nation: The march on May 1st, organized nationwide, by a group called ANSWER (Act Now to Stop War and End Racisim..a rather lofty goal, I would say...why not just summon some magic ponies to help you?) I shamefully post their link so you can see their convoluted crap for yourself Now...lets think...a group called ANSWER supporting a march on May the 1st, MAY DAY, the Soviet holiday where the grand Red army paraded their ICBMs in Red Square to the whole world to show their great might to crush the Western pigs. ANSWER Is a SOCIALIST GROUP NOT INTERESTED IN IMMIGRATION! Their motives are utterly transparent! Do they care about any of these issues? Absolutely not! If they had their way, their wouldnt BE an America because they view the US as a great, tyrannical war machine snuffing out freedom and peace-loving nations and peoples all across the globe!

I might hurl. Just read the crap on that site. Illegal immigrants are not blacks getting hosed in the streets in Montgomery. Blacks had a right to protest, no question about it. Illegal immigrants do not. We granted amnesty once in 1986 and the problem only worstened. Lets see what magic our great lawmakers can make for us next...

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Memories of a time long past

Im going to write the songs Im listening to as I post--(Deep Purple, Woman from Tokyo)

I miss my old truck. My first vehicle was a '90 single cab long bed Chevy Silverado with an excess of muscle and really loud straight pipes. Ah, she was a masculine dream, a metallic maroon monster sent from Heaven to help me cope with the overwhelming idiocy of colloquial New Mexico life. It was fast, had a lovely low rumble, hauled whatever I put in it (which was quite alot, my dad commandeered it quite often for home usage), and had a bench seat. Air conditioning? Who needs it? Ive got power windows!
(Judas Priest, Breaking the Law)
Im not sure what made me think of that truck. I had it for a year and a half, and I remember I sold it to an elderly Mexican gentleman who needed a reliable vehicle to haul equipment with, and my baby could take whatever he threw at her. I almost cried when I sold it, but I felt it was necessary since I was going to school two states away. I replaced it with a '95 Z71 my uncle Tim owned that my grandfather gave me for a super price as a graduation present. Unfortunately, it got 9 miles to the gallon and had a ruined transmission. Im sure alot of that had to do with the way Timbo drove that truck (like a bat out of hell, which made me happy when I was riding with him), and I had to sell it also. It wouldve cost me more to fix it up to reliable standards than it wouldve to buy a new one, which was what I did.
(BB King, Get Off My Back Woman)
I bought a white 2000 Chevy Silverado, which Ive put 30k miles on since August of 2004. Its a good truck, but I feel Ive overextended myself. I suppose its a little guilt problem; I look back at what my parents drove at my age and feel a little pang, like I shouldnt be doing better. They seemed perfectly content with what they had, but then again it might just be the taint of memory that makes it seem so rosy. I guess thats what you call progress, me having a nice vehicle.
(Theory of a Dead Man, No Surprise)
I just have this sneaking compulsion to sell my truck and get an older one I can afford and blow all my money on. Like getting Flowmasters and that kind of thing. Its also a little nostalgia butting its way in, and I wonder if it would be as satisifying as it seems (which I truly doubt), but Ive rambled enough for now and feel content that I can stop this post. Thanks for listening to my expulsion.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Holy Mounted Microguns, Batman!

I really like my new job. I compiled a list in my head at work of the things I love so much about my new job.
  1. UPS has a union, therefore the workers arent crapped on. Im so sick of getting crapped on at jobs. But at UPS I DONT GET CRAPPED ON! HOORAY!
  2. I dont have a boss on night shift. I just do my thing, and no one complains cause I do my thing with immaculate precision. Most of the time.
  3. My co-workers are great.
  4. One of the guys said he liked my "Gun control means hitting your target" bumper sticker and started yakking about guns. Good times, good times.
  5. I get benefits after the 90 day limbo period.
  6. I dont have to be a morning person. Waking up at noon suits me so much better than waking up at six. I just dont do mornings. Im a bug in a rug!
  7. UPS is a certified company, meaning they dont make a habit of hiring illegal immigrants. Everyone speaks English!
  8. Stability.
  9. Did I mention I dont have a boss? HAHAHAHAHAH that makes everything worth it.
  10. I get my own desk...sort of. Ill get one later.

Anyway, I was field-stripping my stapler because we hit a slight slump and I decided to whip up this post. Then I forgot, and remembered at 2 in the morning. Dangit, I have to work tomorrow and be there at 9 but I cant go to sleep. Go figger!

That picture is of an XM-214 microgun that I mentioned in an earlier post (the one on the shirt). Notice the neato Six Pak symbol. Can I get a shirt with that on it too? Wowzers, helicopter-mounted munitions are great!

Thursday, April 06, 2006

"Warned you I tried. Listen, you did not. Now screwed we all will be."

I think global warming is bunk. There are alot of reasons I think global warming is bunk; for one, I think the geological cycle has more validity than "we are depleting a rapidly replinishing resource." Does everyone know that ozone replenshes? Cause, does. Surprise, surprise. We're talking in the metric tons per second. Im sure everyone also takes into considering the Montreal Protocol of 1986. The good ol MP of '86 insures that the developed nations of the world are weeding themselves off of R-22 coolants used in air conditioners and chlorofluorocarbon-producing material, such as aerosol sprays by replacing them with HCFCs and other eligible compounds...but Im sure everyone knew that already. I worked for an air conditioner company, I had to read the stupid Protocol parameters in my endless spare time.

Im sure even if the entire planet decided to pay heed to global warming and do a complete 180 turn, we would all die in a terrible atmospheric conflagration within 10 years. Wait, we'rent they saying that in the 70s? I wish we could get an honest look at an issue besides inflamed scaremongering by "concerned induhviduals" and special interest groups.

NEWSFLASH! Tards find bones!

Sorry I have to redirect to an AOL site, but thats where I found it. Scientists beanheads have discovered the missing link! Oh me, oh my! They found it in the ARCTIC, 600 miles from the North Pole--supposedly it is the link between fish and land animals. Its a fish, with proto-limbs, so OBVIOUSLY THIS HAS TO DISPROVE ABSOLUTELY EVER OUNCE OF PROOF THAT THE CREATIONISTS HAVE BECAUSE ITS A FISH....WITH LIMBS....THAT ARENT REALLY LIMBS, but THEY VERY WELL COULD BE! Here is a quote from the head beanhead:

Dr. Novacek responded: "We've got Archaeopteryx, an early whale that lived on land, and now this animal showing the transition from fish to tetrapod. What more do we need from the fossil record to show that the creationists are flatly wrong?"

Last time i checked, Archaoepteryx was a bird. But then again, Im not "enlightened" by the glorious, pompous rays of a higher education (yet). Now, do address his supposedly rhetorical question: you find me a fossil, that is fully developed, with the flesh on it, with a big flashing sign that says "God is dead because science has disproved him" and then I will believe you. But guess what? Your postulations are just that: postulations. There is enough evidence FOR creationism to deny some skanky bones found in the Arctic (uuuuh, thats because 12 bizillion years ago, the Arctic was temperate...yeah, thats it).

And I would like to pose my own rheotrical question: If the earth could survive for 4 billion years, why is it that humans can trash it with global warming in 200? Are we just THAT good?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

George Gerschwin should get a posthumous Nobel Prize, just for Rhapsody in Blue. I love that song with all my being. Any mood Im in can be captured by one of the movements. Nothing like a little 1920s laid back orchestra music when you get off work...which I just did. SOOO close to a full eight hours! 7 1/2! Im getting there.

So with that splendiferously unrelated lead in, Im going to explain to all the little children about illegal immigration. I cannot believe--I really cant--that people are protesting the legislation, even though no one can agree on what piece of legislation to choose. I say, we scrap them all and follow these simple rules:

  1. Build a big wall. Not a fence, a wall. See, its not the Berlin Wall, since its not in Berlin. Besides that, the Iron Curtain was to keep people in, and we want to keep them out. We'll even let the illegals graffiti it if on their side if theyll just get out!
  2. Erase the premise that pregnant women who have their children on US soil give birth to US citizens. Its bunk.
  3. Deport the ones not eligible for citizenship. What makes them eligible? I would say at least 10 years here, ability to speak and read English, and a love of our nation. Thats not too much to ask; Ive worked with plenty of illegals, and lived around them, who dont give a royal donkey butt about assimilating. I suggest we take those who dont care and let them assimilate with the ships while we send them back, where they can graffiti hateful things on our Friendship Wall. Buddy Barrier? Pick one.
  4. Shoot Ted Kennedy. This is essential. In fact, lets start here and work our way up.

It was decided this week that the Mexican population (not the Mexican-American population, mind you) here in Dallas should boycott US products and call in sick to their jobs Monday to protest in downtown Dallas. Its fine by me if you exercise your right to protest, but guess what? You have to be a CITIZEN OF THE UNITED STATES to exercise your RIGHTS. I know its hard to digest, but so is meat cooked by an illegal immigrant who doesnt adhere to FDA standards.

This is a follow-up post. Demo, I think already knew all the stuff you said but I suppose I got Hollywooded out of my head, which is a first, as far as I can remember. Since when is featuring homosexual characters in a movie "art"? Im sure Brokeback Mountain sucked big time, but since it focused on two gay cowboys. WHAT?! I remember a South Park where the running joke was that all artsy movies were about gay cowboys, then Brokeback Mountain comes out and it seemed like a joke. What a bunch of hosers. Since Im on the subject...

I want to talk about the emasculation of the American male. Has anyone besides me noticed how the male in the face of the media has been steadily declining for 10, 20 years? it used to be that advertisements had big burly man voices announcing, and now its like these mid-ranged, wormy little boy voices. It really, really annoys me. Its the kind of voice that all the guys in Boy Scouts had because they hadnt ever grown up and were living in a kind of developmental limbo. But just look around--pink shirts? PINK shirts? Kiss my big white rump, there is NO WAY Im wearing a pink shirt, ever--I wore a purple shirt at Ram's wedding, but thats different; for one, it was her gig and I wasnt going to ruin it, and two, it was subdued with black, and it was royal purple anyway. But there is not a legitimate way of explaining pink shirts! Its like its a test to see just how far guys will go in order to get in some chicks pants.

Since its no longer popular with the ladies to be manly, I have two options. Either:
  1. Join the Castrati (a term coined by Rush Limbaugh, I think; I heard him use it at least)
  2. Die lonely surrounded by my marvelous firearms collection

Hmmmm, now that I look at my options, having 10 Calicos doesnt seem like such a bad thing....

But everyone mark my words--the next step in "Mens" fashion will be something that is utterly on the borderline of the genders. I bet you a million bucks. Itll be something so freakin girly no honest man would wear it, but the metros would. OH WAIT! Mens fashion is already there.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

A debate in my head

Okay, this ties in with V for Vendetta. In the theocracy in the movie, homosexuality is banned for obvious reasons. Now there is a scene (or a section) going over the life of a lesbian that is unoffensive but really, really made me think. Ive always felt homosexuality was just a sexual abnormality; it makes perfect sense physiologically that it would be. BUT my hangup is that Im sure there are homosexuals that love each other in the same manner any other monogamous heterosexual couple loves. Does that mean that Eros is just an extension of Agape, and that any friendship could descend into sexual activity? Is that what marriage is? Is that what partnership is? If thats so, how is homosexuality any different than heterosexuality?

I really want some input on this. I mean, flood the comment box.
I havent worked a full day yet. Ive been working at UPS in the office for 5 days now, and so far I have yet to hit the 8 hour mark. I was told when I signed up that this department is racked with work and constant overtime (which is why I agreed and everyone else has turned it down), but I must have some magical effect on efficiency because so far, we've been getting off 4 hours early, 3 hours early, 1 hour early. The closest Ive gotten was 7, and that was yesterday. Of course, Im sure Ill be begging for a little off time in a few months, or namely in a week or two when the quarter ends and everything hits the fan. Not that Im complaining--Im making money, and theres a good chance that I wont get fired for no reason at all. God be praised, He delivered me a job when I was at my whits end.

V for Vendetta

I just went and watched V for Vendetta (I mean just; I barely got home 10 minutes ago) and I have to say that is one of the best FREAKIN MOVIES Ive ever seen in my life. It may be a bit heady, and Im still trying to digest half the crap in it, but its a marvelous movie and typing about it doesnt give my emotional response due justice. I went and watched it because I remember a quote from the preview: "People shouldnt fear their governments, governments should fear their people." Aboslutely true in every respect.

Anyway, this movie made me think really hard about things, which movies nowadays rarely do, and I really cant describe it. Its best to say its like a 1984 where the good guys win in the end. Hooray! Ive been wanting that since 8th grade when I read 1984.

Its marvelous. Absolutely marvelous. It blew me away the same way the Matrix did the first time I saw it, but for different reasons; the Matrix was impressive with cameras and action, but Vendetta was impressive ideologically. I looooooved it.

Monday, April 03, 2006

I qualify as a US Citizen!

You Passed the US Citizenship Test
Congratulations - you got 9 out of 10 correct!
Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

I wonder which one I got wrong?

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Extra Lives for everyone!

A sure sign the Japanese have lost all sense of reality:

....But that doesnt stop me from buying one. Holy crap, what a thought. Maybe it really does grant immortality? Or maybe it just grants a raunchy bowel movement and vomiting for days. Either way, Im buying one of those suckers.

Im really sick of this "sow your wild seeds" mentality. Everyone I speak to has told me that I should ditch celibacy and mess around like a dog in heat, then later when Im tired of it I should just settle down. The sad thing is that its even prevalent in the church. God's forgiving, right? What a crock. CROCK!

I stuck that picture there because I wanted it to be painfully apparent to everyone on the planet that Christ has no validity in our malformed society. Hes the Son of Man, not a laughing point and the butt of our jokes.

The Mumble of the Beast

A scenario. I walk into church this evening sporting my XM-214 Microgun* shirt (has General Electric slogan and all that jazz) and get funky looks from everyone. Weird, fearful looks. So I want to know: would you be more worried about a guy with a shirt with a gun on it (which is fully in my Consitutional rights, no matter what the "intellectual" twits surmise) or a dude wearing a Budweiser cap? At least my favorite method of death kills quickly...not that its in question.

I just dont get it. Personal preference always seems to be a great thing when its NOT me. Of course, Im sure that all truly intelligent people who have acknowledged their self-awareness can make this statement too. Maybe the herd can smell the differentiation in pheromone production or something.

*The GE XM-214 Microgun was an attempt to shrink down the M-134 electric gatling gun (the standard minigun you see in movies, like Terminator, Predator, Black Hawk Down, so on) so it could become theoretically man-portable. Thats the problem in movies: All the miniguns used are always mounted on helicopters, since they take around 8 car batteries to power and even 1000 rounds of ammunition would be gone lickity-split (in 10 seconds of constant firing, to be exact--its one fast mother). Just thought you should know.

Saturday, April 01, 2006


This ties into my one year in Dallas post.

Im still clueless what I want to do with my life. Its an utter waste to do something you hate, and I hate office work, and warehousing, and sitting in a chair all day, and just about everything Ive encountered. Then, I watch Muppet Treasure Island, which always brightens my spirits (those wily Muppets...I mourn Jim Hensen's passing, I really do) and I listen thoughtfully to the lyrics of Professional Pirate, one of the songs in the movie. Sounds like a good gig to me.

When I was just a lad looking for my true vocation
My father said "Now son, this choice deserves deliberation
Though you could be a doctor or perhaps a financier
My boy why not consider a more challenging career!"

Hey ho ho
You'll cruise to foreign shores
And you'll keep your mind and body sound
By working out of doors
True friendship and adventure are what we can't live without
And when you're a professional pirate
That's what the job's about!

Now take Sir Francis Drake, the Spanish all despise him
But to the British he's a hero and they idolize him
It's how you look at buccaneers that makes them bad or good
And I see us as members of a noble brotherhood

Hey ho ho
We're honorable men
And before we lose our tempers we will always count to ten
On occasion there may be someone you have to execute
But when your a professional pirate
You don't have to wear a suit..... what?

Mad Monty: I could have been a surgeon
I like taking things apart
Bad Polly: I could have been a lawyer
But I just had too much heart
Morgan: I could have been in politics
Cause I've always been a big spender
Pirate: And me...I could have been a contender

Some say that pirates steal and should be feared and hated
I say we're victims of bad press it's all exaggerated
We'd never stab you in the back, we'd never lie or cheat
We're just about the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet!
Hey ho hoIt's one for all for one
And we'll share and share alike with you and love you like a son
We're gentlemen of fotune and that's what we're proud to be
And when your a professional pirate
You'll be honest brave and free
The soul of decency
You'll be loyal and fair and on the square
And most importantly
When you're a professional pirate
You're always in the best of company!

Gun Show

I went to the gun show last weekend. This is one of the primary reasons for my restarting my blog (because people need to KNOW what I saw at the show!) HERES THE LIST!
  • Gyrojet pistol! One of the ones designed in the 60s that fires rocket-propelled ammunition!
  • Lotsa pretty Colt pocket pistols. Such good prices, such great deals...
  • A non-Class III Fabrique Nationale P-90 SMG. I was unaware that they were producing them for civvy purchase. It was sweet. I held it and wept inside.
  • A whole rack of Winchester 1897 trench guns. Decent prices, too. Ill get out eventually.
  • One of the new Kel-Tec PLR-16 AR-15 pistols in .223 caliber. I purposely sought one out so I could hold it and see what it was like. The verdict: swank.

I saw alot of nice things, blah blah blah, and I was on my way out when I was making my round of the back wall when I spotted IT out of the corner of my eye. My Beefalo-senses tingling, I swung around to face what I thought was my peripheral vision playing tricks on me. But no, there, in all its glory, was a Calico. A bloody Calico. With a thumbhole stock. They made like 10 with thumbhole stocks. I almost had heart failure. $550?! A STEAL! I couldnt buy it, but oooooooh how I could hold it. If its at the next show, I swear Im buying it. I took a picture with my phone so I will remember what to set my sights on for the next one. Sigh....

Dumpus Rumpus

Its been a hella-whacky year. Ive officially been in Dallas a year now, and I was contemplating all the crap that has happened in the last year. To make a short list:
  • My sister went from lonely to married in 4.3 months
  • my brother returned from California (good, those liberals are kinda testy)
  • My great aunt died, much to my distress, because I loved our chats more than anything
  • My dad's business partner FINALLY got outta Dodge, and was replaced by another that isnt really any better...but at least the Clinic is doing better
  • my family's perception of other Christian denominations has changed dramatically. Nothing like an inter-denominational marriage to stir up the evangelical pot!
  • Brando, my good friend, moved to Dallas
  • Ive had 6 jobs, been a night owl, a midday owl, an insomniac owl, and a near-dead owl
  • I found a box of 9mm when I was moving my sister! Can I say HOW MUCH I LOVE MY GUNS?!.........ahem, back on topic.
  • I destroyed every last remnant of my residency of New Mexico. No license plates, no licesnse, no friends there. They all moved away.
  • Ive worked with Japanese, Iraqi, Indian, African, Singaporean, and every other race under the sun. My perceptions have shifted like a tectonic plate with a hemhorroid problem.

Honestly, I cant believe all the crap that has happened in the last year. Words dont really describe how these events have affected our lives. I find, however, that all of it has culminated into a good thing. Mysterious Ways, indeedy.

I Come Crawling Back...

IM BACK BLOGGING! I know everyone everywhere is throwing a frickin parade. Truth is, I deleted the first in a moment of depression, but then I felt the blog-void creep up on me and remind me incessantly of my mental internment. I kept thinking "ooh, Im going to blog this! EVERYONE needs to hear it!" but then I remembered I didnt have one get the point.

An update of my life as of yet: soon to be moving out and getting an apartment, now working 4 PM to 1 AM (varying from 10 PM to 7 AM, really) at UPS filing and generally being their errandboy. Hey, it pays, and crime doesnt, so it hashes out, right?

In closing I have to say that Im eternally grateful to have my blog back. It keeps my brain in check, and its a nice screaming place when Im mad...which is often. Blogs are so great! I think Ill hold mine to my bosom (dont ask why I just wrote that word) and sigh incessantly for hours.

Happy Daylight Savings Time...Day.